Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activities
Some believe that banning extreme
sports
by governments
is necessary whereas
others think these sports
should not be banned to create freedom for people to play any sports
. The writer of this
essay believes that governments
should not prohibit dangerous sports
due to
the useful skills
they will get along with
the strong investment in this
kind of sports
although
these sports
may encourage children
to violent behaviours.
It must be understood that children
are likely to have a violent mindset after watching extreme sports
. To put it simply, the low awareness makes young generations not aware of what is correct or wrong, therefore
they can mimic some bad behaviours on the TV and do it in real life. As a result
, the number of school violence increases in developing countries where many children
lack school opportunities.
However
, dangerous sports
can bring more benefits for players via useful skills
. In other words
, players can sharpen their bravery, problem-solving, and teamwork skills
based on the harsh conditions and the challenges they will face. Moreover
, these skills
can be applied in other fields such
as in their occupations where individuals need to cope with the stress and the risks.
In my opinion, instead
of banning extreme sports
, governments
should fund to upgrade the facilities, and equipment to ensure safety. To be more specific, to reduce the fear and negative recognition of this
type of sport, ensuring safety is a compulsory task for the government to limit the trouble situations, thus
the facilities and devices should be renovated. For instance
, New Zealand is a country which is famous for extreme sports
because of the safety and positive feelings.
In conclusion, despite children
can be affected negatively by dangerous sports
, governments
should not prohibit these sports
because of the skills
players can earn and they should invest more in it
.Correct pronoun usage
them
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While the essay presents a clear stance, the introduction could provide a smoother transition into the main arguments by indicating the structure of the essay more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The second paragraph effectively introduces a counter-argument; however, it could benefit from a clearer connection to the main thesis. Consider concluding the paragraph with a sentence that reinforces your viewpoint.
task achievement
In the third paragraph, the examples and benefits of extreme sports should be more closely linked to the main argument. It would also help to include examples of specific skills gained and how they are useful.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be strengthened by briefly summarizing the main points to better encapsulate the entire discussion.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the debate and states the writer's position in a straightforward manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with each paragraph addressing a specific point related to the thesis.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the case of New Zealand, add credibility and real-world relevance to the arguments presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.