IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The issue of preserving traditional
culture
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 has sparked considerable debate in recent times.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that it is crucial for
people
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 to maintain the traditional way of
life
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, others maintain that
people
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 nowadays tend to pay no attention to protecting the traditional heritage. In my opinion, I totally agree with the subsequent point of view.
This
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 essay will explore both sides of
this
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 argument before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, there are some arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of the idea that
people
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 today have no interest in maintaining the traditional
culture
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 of their country.
To begin
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 with, the pursuit of economic growth and development plays a more significant role in
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people
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people's
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life
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 nowadays. They have many more things to worry about
such
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 as rent payments or electric bills
instead
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 of preserving the things from the past.
Furthermore
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, rapid globalization and technological advancements have accelerated the pace of
life
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, making it difficult to adhere to traditional practices.
For example
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, in some big cities like Beijing or New York, we rarely see
a thing
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anything
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 which
relate
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relates
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 to traditional
culture
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons against the statement that conserving traditional heritage is off the topic in
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people
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people's
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conversation
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conversations
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 recently. One main argument would be that traditional
culture
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 is the foundation of a country and a way to identify, providing a sense of familiarity and continuity.
People
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 from foreign countries can easily recognize a nation just by looking at their traditional clothes or buildings which are related to the traditional
culture
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. Another argument would be that preserving cultural heritage can attract tourists and boost the economy.
For instance
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, Japan is a country that has a high rate of foreign tourists coming to explore not only traditional
culture
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 but for other experiences. All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when
people
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 evaluate the effects of the issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that it is still important to
people
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 that we preserve a traditional way of
life
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,
people
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 should
have
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apply
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further
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 consideration on
this
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 issue.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, aim to provide a slightly more balanced discussion by ensuring that each side of the argument is represented equally. This will give more depth to your analysis and enhance the clarity of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a more diverse range of linking words and phrases to make the transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples and arguments are directly relevant to the points you're making. Occasionally, some of your examples could have been more clearly connected to the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, which helps frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints and provides a personal opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Good use of relevant specific examples, enhancing the arguments presented.
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