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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1

The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1
#money #forms #entertainment #five #year #period #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph down demonstrates the spending on entertainment in Asia and
Europe
Use synonyms
 and the United States from 1995 till 2000 It is obvious from the graph that all 3 countries had a dramatic rise during the 5 years
However
Linking Words
, the United States had the biggest increase and
Europe
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown television had an obvious increase in Asia starting at nearly 25 and ending at almost 50
in contrast
Linking Words
, cinema and video were steady during these years
overall
Linking Words
 Asia had jumped from 67 to 110
On the other hand
Linking Words
 television in
Europe
Use synonyms
 had experienced a rise
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 45 in 1995 and ended at nearly 55 in 2000,both publishing and music remained,
however
Linking Words
, cinema had
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 growth
Overall
Linking Words
 we can say that
Europe
Use synonyms
 experienced a small change from 1995 with 97 and reaching 131 after 5 years, The United States experienced the most significant change with 184 in 1995 and reaching 257 in 2000 in other words television was the most clear among others with almost 55 and reaching almost 100
However
Linking Words
 publishing and video remained and cinema with music had a slight jump.
Submitted by amjadalsamman on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jumped" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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