IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantages people like unemployment and homeless in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #aid #unemployment #country
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In today's world, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that various views about international
aid
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 for poor
countries
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. Some
people
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 advocate that the
government
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 should not provide international
aid
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 since they have unuseful
people
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 like the unemployed and homeless in their own country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 think differently. I will explain that with two reasons why it is an enormous problem. First and foremost, the world hasn'
t
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 been fair since the beginning of humanity. Everyone wants a good life, but
this
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 isn'
t
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 possible currently. Earn Money has always been significant for living easily.
Nevertheless
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, most
countries
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 live below the hunger line,
such
Linking Words
 as many African
countries
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, Cambodia, Colombia etc. Some
people
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 think that we could be helpful to other
countries
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 because they work for low wages and it isn'
t
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 justice. Because if they continue to work for a minimum wage.
This
Linking Words
 situation will create new troubles not only for these nations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, These problems could
feel
Wrong verb form
be felt
show examples
 all around the world. Nowadays, We can fix
this
Linking Words
 problem with an international
aid
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 package. In my opinion,
this
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 is
acceptable
Correct article usage
an acceptable
show examples
 expectation.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Too many
people
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 have various opinions about
this
Linking Words
 situation. They advocate that the
government
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 can and should play a vital role in the lives of the citizens. At the same time, many
people
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 live under insufficient living conditions. We Shouldn'
t
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 join the international
aid
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 package organized by any organization, which is not logical for our children's future.I think it isn'
t
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 fair,humans should help each other.
As a consequence
Linking Words
. Many
people
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 believe that our opinions are better than others. Balancing these two perspectives is a complex challenge. All in all,
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Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should play a crucial role in ensuring the welfare of the citizens.
Government
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can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
support might be the most effective approach. Even the richest
countries
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 have homeless
people
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. The
government
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 should give priority to citizens.
Submitted by barmanakarsu on

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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. For instance, mention particular programs or specific instances where international aid has either succeeded or failed.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow between your paragraphs and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point and transitions smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion present
Clarify and expand your concluding paragraph. Summarize your main points clearly and reaffirm your position on the topic.
complete response
The essay acknowledges different viewpoints on the topic and attempts to present a balanced discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
There is a clear attempt to provide reasons and support for the arguments made, even if the development is somewhat lacking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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