Some people believe that it is best to accept bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss bot these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about the challenge
bad
conditions. Change preposition
of bad
While
some people believe that accept this situations
, some people believe it is not acceptable and try to improve our living conditions. I agree that we can overcome bad circumstances.
There are several reasons why we should try being better circumstances our lives. Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
Firstly
, in globalized
world, we have so much chance to change our Add an article
a globalized
the globalized
job
market. In the USA, generally
immigrants pay approximately 8 thousand USD and training in IT and it offers new Add a comma
generally,
job
opportunity
. Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
Secondly
, especially if we are young we have so much energy compored
to elderly Correct your spelling
compared
person
and it must Fix the agreement mistake
people
gives
us some Change the verb form
give
encourage
to improve our Replace the word
encouragement
life
. Finally
, every individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
variety
of Add an article
a variety
responsibility
in adult Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
life
so if we do not nothing
about our Rewrite the sentence
do not anything
nothing
life
standarts
, no one can improve Correct your spelling
standards
it
in our place.
I believe that there are no benefits to being Correct pronoun usage
apply
pessimistic
person Add an article
the pessimistic
a pessimistic
to
our Change preposition
in
lifes
. If we do not Correct your spelling
lives
satissifed
our Correct your spelling
satisfy
job
or money, even our country, there are many Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
solution
to Change to a plural noun
solutions
this
. For instance
, nowadays learning a new language is so simple than
compared Change preposition
apply
the
past decade. It is true that Change preposition
to the
life
is nearly similar all
continents, but some countries offer more good Change preposition
on all
life
quality than others. So we have chance
to immigrate Correct article usage
a chance
another
country if we have a Change preposition
to another
job
. For
addition, I have Change preposition
In
experienced
in my Replace the word
experience
life
about
work Change preposition
apply
satissfaction
, after I had tried to find a Correct your spelling
situation
job
as a lawyer for 6 months, I have
found Unnecessary verb
apply
job
more Add an article
a job
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
enviroenment
and I think it is one Correct your spelling
environment
of
example that individuals should be more patient and keep Change preposition
apply
try
their improvement Change the form of the verb
trying
especially
young ages.
Add the comma(s)
, especially
To sum up
, I think there are
no useful impact to our lives being depressif person. I believe that we have Change the verb form
is
great
opportunity to change our lives thanks to the world's ever-expanding market Add an article
a great
the great
market
and its privileges.Remove the redundancy
apply
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
general
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and lexical resource to ensure clarity and precision. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and verb tense consistency.
task achievement
Add more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Illustrative examples will strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more cohesive logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one and that there is a clear progression of ideas. Utilize linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of both perspectives on the topic and presents a balanced view before giving a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to framing the essay.
general
The essay includes an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is commendable.