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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Young offenders should be treaated as adult criminal? to what extent do you agree or disagree

#offenders #adult
Juvenile offenders should not be treated as adult criminals. I disagree with the statement because of the following reasons. Youngsters are not as mature as their counterparts,
peer-pressure
Correct your spelling
peer pressure
show examples
 in groups, and the transformation of behaviours in
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
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 is easier. Primarily, young people’s brain is not fully developed in comparison to mature
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
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 as the former are still in
transitioning
Correct article usage
the transitioning
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 phase to be an adult,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 juvenile offenders
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have any idea why they committed a crime.
For instance
, young criminals are often interviewed about the crime and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 responded, “
they
Capitalize word
They
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 did the dumbest thing or have no idea why they
committed
Correct pronoun usage
committed it
show examples
”.
Additionally
,
peer-pressure
Correct your spelling
peer pressure
show examples
 is a driving force to commit a crime because, in that age group, these individuals look for acceptance, search for identity, and imitate
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of friends, naiveness, and lack
Change preposition
of experiences
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experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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.
Moreover
, child abuse, poverty,
jealousy
Correct word choice
and jealousy
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 in intimate
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to criminal activity and these factors should be considered when dealing with them.
Moreover
, young offenders’ behaviour can be transformed easily in comparison to older, as they lack guidance, if proper guidance is given by the people in authority, It will help them to build themselves in a positive way.
Similarly
, in Puran
jail
Capitalize word
Jail
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, 2016 sports, religious study, and counselling
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 introduced to young people, the impact of these factors
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 calculated
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 found that people were less likely to return to jail if they
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 proper help. In conclusion, above mentioned reasons should be taken into consideration and should not
be compare
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be compared
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older criminals when it comes to treatment.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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introduction conclusion present
Start with a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to immediately state your position.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words more effectively to create a smoother reading experience.
logical structure
Separate your main points into distinct paragraphs for better clarity and structure.
relevant specific examples
Make sure to provide more concrete and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
supported main points
Your main points are well supported and relevant to the topic.
complete response
You provided a complete response to the essay prompt with a clear stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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