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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table provides information about the proportion of New Zealand's
population
Use synonyms
 by
age
Use synonyms
 between 2011 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that during
this
Linking Words
 period, the majority of the
population
Use synonyms
 fell into the 15-39 and 40-64
age
Use synonyms
 groups. There was
also
Linking Words
 an
overall
Linking Words
 increase in the total
population
Use synonyms
, with the 65+
age
Use synonyms
 group experiencing the most significant growth in 2012. In 2011, New Zealand had a total
population
Use synonyms
 of 4,381,269, with over half of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged between 15-39 and 40-64, around 1.5 million and 1.3 million respectively. The other two
age
Use synonyms
 groups, under 15 and 65+, combined to around 1.4 million. The total
population
Use synonyms
 increased by 0.6% from 4,381,269 in 2011 to 4,410,284 in 2012. The 65+
age
Use synonyms
 group, despite having the lowest number, experienced a significant 4% increase from 573,946 to 596,903. The 40-64
age
Use synonyms
 group
also
Linking Words
 saw a positive development with a 0.6% increase,
while
Linking Words
 the remaining two
age
Use synonyms
 groups experienced a decrease of 0.2% over the one-year period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population growth
  • age group
  • increase
  • decline
  • elderly population
  • aging population
  • working-age population
  • stable labor force
  • modest increase
  • significant change
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