IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do developments in technology make crime easier to detect or do they make people more vulnerable to crime? Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#developments #technology #crime #people
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Some argue that advancements in technology make spotting crime simpler,
while
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 others believe that they make
people
Use synonyms
 more susceptible to criminals.
Although
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 new modifications in
this
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 sphere may be effective for deterring
people
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 from
commit
Change the verb form
committing
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 crimes, I am more of the opinion that they make
people
Use synonyms
 more prone to the crimes that happen in cyberspace. On the one hand, it is true that new technological innovations allow us to be more careful with cybercrimes as we have more sophisticated devices than before. New programs help to determine unusual activities like viruses and interferences of hackers in seconds.
For example
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, countries with big economies
such
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 as the USA and China utilize those tools to protect their sensitive data
such
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 as military information and
people
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’s personal data.
Besides
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, an increasing number of
people
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 intrigued by cybersecurity, so having seasoned professionals in
this
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 field
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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 the risk of being
victim
Add an article
a victim
the victim
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 of cyber offenders.
On the other hand
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, I firmly believe that many
people
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 are not ready for
such
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 dramatic changes in the digital sphere. The main reason behind
this
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 issue is that they are not educated enough about the risks of applications that they use on a daily basis. Especially older
people
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 who
has
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have
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 just started
use
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using
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 new applications are more in danger. Most of them use online banking applications for their convenience,
however
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, they do realize how criminals can easily trap them with only one phone call. We see a lot of victims in
news
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the news
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 who were deceived and told that their money was transferred to the accounts of
terrorists group
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terrorist groups
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 and in order to fix that you have to pay certain money to certain. Many
people
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 fall for that and send money to criminals. Another cybercrime method is called clickbait. We can often receive messages that contain links via
an
Correct article usage
apply
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email or SMS. Some
people
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 click these links without knowing about the source
of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, and it leads to the spread of
virus
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viruses
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 on their
computer
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computers
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 or smartphones which in turn
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in
abuse
Correct article usage
the abuse
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 of their personal information. In conclusion, even though we have polished cybersecurity specialists and state of art devices, these changes do not eliminate the dangers like clickbait and fake calls which
people
Use synonyms
 are exposed to by
cybercriminals
Correct your spelling
cyber criminals
show examples
.
Submitted by Narmin on

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relevant specific examples
Elaborate more on specific examples, particularly in the body paragraphs, to strengthen your arguments and provide further clarity.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate the overall quality of your essay. This will help in making your arguments more compelling and engaging.
logical structure
Work on your transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will improve the readability and coherence of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage by presenting both sides of the argument and stating your opinion clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and restates the opinion, providing a cohesive end to the essay.
logical structure
You have a well-defined structure, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance technology
  • Digital forensics
  • Cybersecurity
  • Encryption
  • Intrusion detection systems
  • Cybercrime
  • Phishing
  • Ransomware
  • Identity theft
  • VPN (Virtual Private Network)
  • Dark web
  • Anonymity
  • Real-time monitoring
  • Law enforcement
  • Automated systems
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Forensic analysis
  • Evidence gathering
  • Digital footprint
  • Cybercriminals
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