IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts present the average percentage in typical meals of sodium, saturated fats, and added sugars, all of which may unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts present the average percentage in typical meals of sodium, saturated fats, and added sugars, all of which may unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The pie charts illustrate the average percentages of different nutrients
such
Linking Words
 as sodium, saturated fats and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in simple everyday foods. The data
taken
Add a missing verb
was taken
show examples
 from the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 the largest amount of nutrients
consumed
Add a missing verb
were consumed
show examples
. The first chart
represents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that sodium
consumes
Wrong verb form
is consumed
show examples
 more during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 showing 43% and
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
, breakfast shows equally 14%.
In addition
Linking Words
 through eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch 29% of sodium is consumed. The second chart shows that
dinner
Use synonyms
 has more percentages of saturated fat
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 37%,
while
Linking Words
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 and lunch show almost similar results
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 21% and 26%, and breakfast contributes 16% of fat. The
last
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the proportion of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
show examples
 it can be seen that snacks have lots of
sugar
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 42%,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 the typical
dinner
Use synonyms
included
Wrong verb form
includes
show examples
 29% of it,
while
Linking Words
 lunch contains 19% and breakfast includes 16% added
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, dinner with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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