Nowadays people buy a lot of things even though they don’t really need them. Why is it happening, in your opinion? Is it a positive or negative trend for the individual and the society?

In the era where online shopping has advanced,
people
tend to purchase a lot of
things
without considering the usefulness of those
things
. Nowadays, technology makes it easier for us to get some
things
that are not familiar.
People
can easily purchase
things
based on
the
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their
show examples
appeareance
Correct your spelling
appearance
and online
reference
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references
show examples
that
looks
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look
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cute
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
the benefit of those
things
is questioned. I agree that to some extent,
this
is a negative development both for
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
and the society itself. The habit of buying some
wreckless
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reckless
show examples
things
hhas
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has
been normalized nowadays, it can be seen from how the internet normalized those
things
and labelling that those activities
is
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are
show examples
for the sake of
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
their inner child. The
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
"
fullfilling
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fulfilling
my inner child"
rises
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arises
show examples
from the trend that there
are
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is
show examples
some
kind
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kinds
show examples
of
people
who
cant
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can't
show examples
afford
things
such
as toys and electronic devices when they
were
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are
show examples
child
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children
show examples
,
that is
why
people
are not even hesitate
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do not even hesitate
show examples
to spend their
money
for
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on
show examples
useless
things
.
Furthermore
,
the
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apply
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economic inflation is one of the
reason
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reasons
show examples
why
people
can easily spend their
money
to buy many
things
without consideration,
for example
, based on the economic
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
have been
showed
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showing
shown
show examples
that many Gen-Z can't afford to buy
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a home
show examples
home
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homes
show examples
by
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
because the price of houses and land doesn't make sense.
This
research leads
people
to spend
money
without trying to
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save their
money
for the future. There is an anecdote
that is
known
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the internet,"Who needs
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
?
if
Capitalize word
If
show examples
we
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
afford it,
i
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I
show examples
better spend my
money
on sushi".
This
anecdote reflected that in some ways, these perspectives
has
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have
show examples
negative
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a negative
show examples
impact
in
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on
show examples
society.
People
are used to thinking deeply about their future because of the hopeless feeling in
this
economy and it has impacts on increasing their impulsive buying habits. In conclusion, compulsive buying
that is
normalized by
people
who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
their personal satisfaction will be a disaster for
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not have any savings
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their bank
account
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accounts
show examples
.
This
habit will
also
lead to
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
significant rate of buying in society.
Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and use more varied linking phrases to connect your points smoothly.
task achievement
In the task achievement area, include more specific examples to support your claims. This will make your arguments more compelling and evident.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and lexical resource by revising sentence structures and word choices to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points and addresses the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and contribute to a well-rounded response.
task achievement
The use of an anecdote adds interesting personal flavor to the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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