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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in the UK in 2008

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in the UK in 2008
#information #sports #uk
Information pertaining to the
number
 of
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 who played common
sports
 in the
Unuted
Correct your spelling
United
 Kingdom during 2008 has been provided in the given bar chart.
It is clear that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
number
 of participants in all
sports
 with the exception of swimming
netball
 and jogging.
Additionally
, there was
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
show examples
dispare
Correct your spelling
disparity
 in
netball
 by
gender
. Looking at the
further
 detail, it is apparent that the differences between sexes
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 noticeable. Regarding soccer, there was nearly 25% of
participants
Correct article usage
the participants
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 male and just 5%
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 female. With other
sports
,
males
 doubled
females
 at 20% to 10%. For cricket,
males
 outnumbered
females
 by 5:1 at 10% to 2%. The figure was similar to
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 rate for table tennis, where
males
 numbered at about 8% against
males
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 3%. Moving on to the remaining
sports
. There was an opposite trend in swimming,
netball
 and jogging. There
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 25%
females
 in
netball
,
while
 just
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
nearly 2%
males
, making it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the biggest
difenrences
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
. There was a lower
number
 in swimming where
females
 outnumbered
males
 at 22% to 14%. Jogging had the lowest
number
 in both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, there was 4% for
females
 and 3% for
males
. Basketball and tennis saw the nearly same in
gender
 where just about 6% to 7% participants.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, gender, sports, netball, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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