IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

During a recent plane jurney, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurant.You talked to him and suggested that you should cantact him about a possible job in one of his restourants. ● remind him when and where you met ● tell him what kind of job you are interested in ● say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #jurney #businessman #chain #restaurant #cantact #job #restourants
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Dera Mr.Adamson, I am writing to express my
interestings
Correct your spelling
interest
 in a possible job opportunity at one of your
Use synonyms
restaurant
Change to a plural noun
restaurants
show examples
. We had a conversation
durring
Correct your spelling
during
 the flight on 12th
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 you told me that I will
work
Use synonyms
one
Change preposition
in one
show examples
 of your
Use synonyms
restaurant
Change to a plural noun
restaurants
show examples
. I am interested in
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 as a manager. I think you will spend your precious time for searching another manager I am the best
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 for
this
Linking Words
 position. I love
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 manager. The reason is that I have completed a
managment
Correct your spelling
management
dagree
Correct your spelling
degree
 in a USA. And
Also
Linking Words
 I have worked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
restaurant
Use synonyms
 for two years. I left there
due to
Linking Words
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 monthly salary And I would like to point out. I am the best
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 for the position and I am not only
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 but
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 suitable
work
Use synonyms
 in a
restaurant
Use synonyms
. Thank you for your time and
consediration
Correct your spelling
consideration
. I
lookforward
Correct your spelling
look forward
 to hearing you soon. Yours sincerely, Raxmon Kamolov.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task response
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Correct words like 'dera', 'interests', 'durring', and 'restourants' for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs focus on one clear idea. For example, separate your qualifications from your reasons for leaving your previous job.
task response
You included all the necessary details: reminding Mr. Adamson when and where you met, describing the job you are interested in, and explaining why you are suitable for the job.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear greeting and closing which helps to structure the communication effectively.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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