IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You work at home and have a problem with a plece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter ● describe the problem with the equipment ● explain how this problem is affecting your work ● say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #plece #equipment #job #shop #company
Dear Sir or Madam, Assalamu alaykum I am writing to express my
disatisfaction
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dissatisfaction
 with my
compyuter
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computer
 that I bought from your agency. The computer that I have bought from your company and I worked with
this
 computer. I ran into some problems which that computer related. More precisely monitor my
compyuter
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computer
. You told me it has
four
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a
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years
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four-year
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 warranty.
Firstly
, I was producing on the site. The problem is all of
the
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apply
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my sites
was
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were
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 deleted.
Therefore
, I
punished
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was punished
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 by my boss and it
was
Verb problem
had
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bad
Add an article
the bad
a bad
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 impact on my career,
then
 I
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 been full day
with
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in
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bad
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a bad
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 mood.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 I have
commence
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commenced
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 replying to
this
 work.
Finaly
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Finally
, after one day I have done but I utilized plenty of energy. I want to refund all of the money and I want money for the time I wasted. Give another notebook in order to compensate. I look
to
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apply
show examples
forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully. Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter should have more detailed and coherent paragraphs to ensure each point is clearly understood. For example, the problems with the computer, its impact on your work, and what you want the company to do should be discussed separately in clear paragraphs.
task achievement
Avoid repetition and ensure clarity in the description of the issue. Also, polite and professional language should be maintained throughout the letter.
task achievement
The letter addresses all three main points required: the description of the problem, how it's affecting work, and what the writer wants the company to do.
coherence cohesion
The letter includes appropriate greeting and closing.
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