IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter. • Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts • Say how you think the company should spend the money

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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to thank
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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your organization for allocating money either on sports
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams

It seems that team may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 or open-air concerts.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if money is spent on funding kid’s sports
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams

It seems that team may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 for two years, it would enhance their skills and have access to get taught by professional coaches.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they might win the international Olympics and make the community proud. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand

It seems that hands may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, if allocated money is utilized for providing free entry to
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts

It seems that concert may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 for local residents it could improve people’s
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 well-being.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, local
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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artists would have an opportunity to show their talents to local individuals.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they will be more famous
among
Change preposition
than

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their counterparts.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, from my personal point of
view
Add a comma
view,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase from my personal point of view. Consider adding a comma.

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 the expenditure should be evenly distributed. It would enrich student’s skills and at the same time foster
better
Correct article usage
a better

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 mood.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I would appreciate
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 you could take my suggestion into account. Yours faithfully, Ozod

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suggestion
Be sure to thoroughly proofread your letter for grammatical errors and awkward wording. Consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to improve fluency and reduce repetition.
suggestion
Your overall structure is clear, but ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea for even better coherence. Expanding and elaborating on each point a little more would also be beneficial.
structure
The letter has good organization with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing the task points, and a conclusion.
tone
The tone of the letter is suitable for formal communication and maintains politeness throughout.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsor
  • sportsmanship
  • fosters
  • cultivates
  • talents
  • accessible
  • cultural entertainment
  • boosts
  • tourism
  • temporary employment opportunities
  • patron of the arts
  • community engagement
  • long-term impact
  • economic benefits
  • alternating support
  • maximize community impact
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