IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The best way / the only way to reduce poverty(INDIVIDUALS / GOVERNMENT) in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #individuals #government #countries #six #years #education #numbers
In recent times, people have argued that the best method to decrease poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free
education
 in order that they can at least read, write and use numbers. From my point of view, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
 idea. And the explanation of
this
 is that making the low
education
 for free would take the attention of students.
In other words
, the high tuition fee is the key factor for poverty.
Moreover
,
school
 tuition fees nowadays have become expensive in many nations,
for example
, the
school
 tuition fee FPT
school
 reached almost 100 million VND per year which is very expensive for some parents to take their children to
school
.
Therefore
, many parents might consider
this
 promotion as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 their children in
school
.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons against the statement. Primary
education
 might not provide practical knowledge and skills, especially in an industrial and modern society.
For instance
, many jobs require applicants to have secondary and higher academic levels degrees and computer skills.
In addition
, free
education
 requires financial support from the government. That leads to an increase in tax, which might affect their savings and economic growth. In conclusion, the government should give up to six years of free
education
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed and explained.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure ideas flow smoothly from one to another.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction clearly states the writer's position.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument, although it could be more comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: