IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Cyber insecurity is a rising problem in many countries. What problems does a lack of cyber security cause to Internet users? What solutions can you suggest to solve it?

#cyber #insecurity #countries #lack #security #internet #users
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In the modern era, the Internet has penetrated extensively in
the
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apply
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diverse life’s spheres. Despite the fact that it has unequivocally assisted humans’
life
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lives
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, it is accompanied by paving the way of executing
crime
Use synonyms
 which threatens everybody’s privacy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express the consequences of the insecure environment of the Internet and propose
the
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apply
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practical solutions for the sake of
protection
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protecting
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 it against
cyberattack
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cyberattacks
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. The Internet’s drawbacks are undoubtedly acknowledged;
hence
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 it leads to a plethora of aftermaths in humans’ lives.
This
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 technology provides a sufficient bed for committing
new
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a new
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crime
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 named cybercrime which causes to convert it into an unreliable network. To put it differently,
thefts
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thieves
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 used to commit the
crime
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onsite
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on site
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, but, recently, they do it virtually and
steel
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steal
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 not only victims’ money but
also
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 their identity information.
Consequently
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, victims are blackmailed into paying extra money to save
identity
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their identity
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.
For example
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, the data
center
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centre
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 of Snapp,
as
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a big and famous company in Iran, was hacked by cybercriminals and was asked to pay a huge capital not to sell its clients’ data on the dark web, as an illegal website.
This
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 occurrence
leads
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led
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 to people
boycotted
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boycotting
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 Snap. In terms of negating
this
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 horrible
crime
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 which causes harmful influence on the citizens’ emotions and revenues, governments and people are the onus on deterring
this
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 action simultaneously. Authorities should provide a highly secure infrastructure through coordinating with professional computer engineers who are
expertise
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experts
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 in
this
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 area.
Additionally
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, people should have adequate knowledge about the Internet because most cybercriminals execute their plans on the elderly who have the least knowledge about it.
For instance
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, Iranians received an unknown message
along with
Linking Words
 an
unsecure
Correct your spelling
unsecured
insecure
 link, which has viruses, and fortunately, awareness messages were sent by police throughout Iran to enlighten them and prevent
this
Linking Words
 illegal phenomenon.
To conclude
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, the necessity of the technology is undeniable, but criminals misuse it in their criminal
desire
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desires
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 which makes it
into
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apply
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an unsecure function. It is believed that solving
this
Linking Words
 issue entails
the
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apply
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coordination between individuals and governments through acknowledging and enhancing security.
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coherence cohesion
Try to refine the essay's logical flow. Some sentences and phrases are not completely clear and could be rephrased for better readability and logical structure.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from slightly more developed arguments and more varied sentence structures to avoid repetitiveness.
coherence cohesion
Try to elevate the level of formal language and avoid small inaccuracies and typos such as 'steel' instead of 'steal'. This will enhance the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples which illustrate your points effectively, such as the Snapp data breach example. This is very helpful in supporting your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and serve their purposes well by setting up the essay and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the key issues and possible solutions in a comprehensive manner, showing a clear understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • malware
  • phishing attacks
  • identity theft
  • encryption
  • firewalls
  • antivirus software
  • two-factor authentication
  • public awareness campaigns
  • regulations
  • cybercriminals
  • digital hygiene
  • system vulnerabilities
  • data protection laws
What to do next:
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