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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their lives. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant information from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #place #lives #move #places #lifetime #information
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Most previous generations lived in the same place from birth to death. But today
this
 has changed and people want to live in other developed cities or countries. Despite the
advantages
, there are
also
 disadvantages. Living in one place had its
advantages
. Previously, individuals lived in their own hometowns and knew all their neighbours and relatives.
Moreover
, they often had the same social views and economies. So the inhabitants formed close relationships and helped each other. There was a real community spirit. But there were
also
 disadvantages. They lived a monotonous life with limited opportunities for entertainment and work.
This
 can have negative effects on their psychology. Living in different places has
advantages
 and disadvantages.
For example
, they may have a better chance of finding a job and developing themselves in a different city or country. In
this
 way, they will be able to live a happier and better-quality life.
However
, it is undeniable that there are some people who cannot adapt to different cultures or cities.
For example
, when an individual cannot get used to a new lifestyle, he or she may make the wrong decisions, causing his or her life to get worse. In conclusion , in my view , there are
advantages
living
Change preposition
to living
show examples
 in another place.
However
, we should not forget that it will
also
 bring some problems and that we need to be careful.
Submitted by sinan_yalcindag27 on

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task response
To improve task response, try to include more specific examples and develop your ideas further. For instance, you could mention a personal experience or a well-known example to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is directly related to the main question. This helps guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task response
Work on expanding the discussion of disadvantages in both scenarios to show a balanced view. This will help achieve a complete response and thorough coverage of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the debate and your conclusion sums up your perspective well, which is very good for coherence.
task response
You have successfully highlighted the community spirit of living in one place and the personal development aspect of living in different places, showcasing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally clear and logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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