some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make effports in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. TO what extent do you agree or disagree with this statemen?

In recent years,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
has become an increasing problem in many countries, leading to
onticeable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
noticeably
impacts on housing quality and public health. Some people
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
that to effectively prevent illness and disease,governments should prioritize
to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
and
address
Wrong verb form
addressing
show examples
housing problems.I strongly agree that
trackling
Correct your spelling
tracking
tackling
Correct article usage
the enviromental
show examples
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
housing
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
is essential in
this
essay , I will
explian
Correct your spelling
explain
the reason.
To begin
with, the global has changed rapidly
due to
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of emission gas that people use today.
Pollution
has increased significantly in many
countried
Correct your spelling
countries
, especially, in developing countries.
For example
, Thailand has significant
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
development .
However
,
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
serios
Correct your spelling
serious
environmental problems . In 2018, Bangkok
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recorded
such
a high level of air
pollution
that
rank
Change the verb form
ranks
show examples
as the second polluted city in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
,
As a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
people have to wear
mask
Fix the agreement mistake
masks
show examples
to protect themselves from
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
range of
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, particularly
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
show examples
to air solution and infectious conditions,
Moreover
, Governments should thoroughly research and
cosider
Correct your spelling
consider
the
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
impacts before starting major projects.
Fialor
Correct your spelling
Failure
to do so can lead to
long -term
Correct your spelling
long-term
show examples
issues for
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
and their
inhanbitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
.Recent reports indicate that in
bangkok
Change the capitalization
Bangkok
show examples
, a rise in infectious diseases has been linked to air
pollution
. The solutions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
also
affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children as
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
has to close
schoool
Correct your spelling
schools
temporarily to reduce
exposore
Correct your spelling
expensive
pollution
. it could have effects on the health and development of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation. In conclusion, Governments around the world should conduct
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
research with their citizen
befor
Correct your spelling
before
launching major projects to minimise
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
and health problems.
Proative
Correct your spelling
Proactive
measures are far more effective than dealing with widespread issues after they have occurred.
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Consider proofreading for minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance overall readability. For instance, replace 'trackling' with 'tackling', 'onticeable' with 'noticeable', and 'programs' with 'problems'.
coherence
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could be useful.
task response
Make sure to provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.
task response
The main idea is clear and well-supported by relevant examples and details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: