IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

➢ You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. In the year 1996, data was collected for the incidence of flu in a large country town, which is presented in the following illustration. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

#minutes #year #data #incidence #flu #country #town #illustration #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph illustrates the
number
 of
flu
cases
 in men and
women
 in the towns of a large country in the year 1996. The unit is measured in numbers. The
overall
 impression of the chart is that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 got more infected by
flu
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 their counterparts male. But both male and female reached their apex in the month of June. As per the visual representation, roughly 1000
women
 got infected by
flu
 in March and the
number
 rose drastically to the point where 3000
women
 got infected
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 two months.
Furthermore
,
flu
cases
 in
women
 peaked at 3500 by June before dropping to 2500 in September.
After
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the
number
 got somewhat stabilized for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the year.
On the other hand
, the
number
 of males affected by
flu
 in the month of
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 exactly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 registered in
women
. But
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 the
number
 surged and reached 2000 bar by the month of May.
Flu
cases
 in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 reached its pinnacle in June
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 almost 2600
cases
 were registered.
However
,
after
this
 stage numbers started to shrink before getting stagnate in November.
Submitted by vasudha.gupta0818 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that the flow between sentences and paragraphs is even smoother. Using transition words and phrases consistently would help to achieve this.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and refine your sentence structure for a more polished response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding statement highlighting the apex of the flu cases in June for both genders.
task achievement
The response effectively summarizes the data and provides relevant comparisons where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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