IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

➢ In the year 1996, data was collected for the incidence of flu in a large country town, which is presented in the following illustration. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Introduction
The given line graph illustrates the
number
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 of
flu
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cases
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 in men and
women
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 in the towns of a large country in the year 1996. The unit is measured in numbers.
Body paragraph 1
The
overall
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 impression of the chart is that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 got more infected by
flu
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then
Replace the word
than
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 their counterparts male. But both male and female reached their apex in the month of June.
Body paragraph 2
As per the visual representation, roughly 1000
women
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 got infected by
flu
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 in March and the
number
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 rose drastically to the point where 3000
women
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 got infected
with in
Correct your spelling
within
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 two months.
Furthermore
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,
flu
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cases
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 in
women
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 peaked at 3500 by June before dropping to 2500 in September.
After
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this
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this,
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 the
number
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 got somewhat stabilized for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of the year.
Conclusion
On the other hand
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, the
number
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 of males affected by
flu
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 in the month of
march
Capitalize word
March
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 exactly
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the
case
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cases
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 registered in
women
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. But
eventually
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eventually,
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 the
number
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 surged and reached 2000 bar by the month of May.
Flu
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cases
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 in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 reached its pinnacle in June
where
Correct word choice
when
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 almost 2600
cases
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 were registered.
However
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,
after
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this
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 stage numbers started to shrink before getting stagnate in November.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that the flow between sentences and paragraphs is even smoother. Using transition words and phrases consistently would help to achieve this.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and refine your sentence structure for a more polished response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding statement highlighting the apex of the flu cases in June for both genders.
task achievement
The response effectively summarizes the data and provides relevant comparisons where appropriate.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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