Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different views on whose responsibility is to decide what sort of hobbies
children
should do at
their free Change preposition
in
time
. While
parents
have more experience therefore
they can choose wisely, it is important that they let their children
to
decide how they want to spend their free Change the verb form
apply
time
.
There are several advantages in
Change preposition
to
parents
organizing their children
free Change noun form
children's
time
. Firstly
, at early ages children
mostly enjoy playing and with today's technology, video games will meet this
need. It is true that by playing video games they will enjoy their free time
but they won't
learn any useful skills that can help them in their
future and Change the word
the
also
they can't
find what is it that they are talented in. For example
, how can you understand you are talented in music if you don't
try music.
Change the punctuation
?
Secondly
, at those ages
Add a comma
ages,
children
need guides because they aren't
familiar with all sports, arts and
etc so how could they know if they enjoy a specific sport or not. Correct word choice
apply
Parents
should introduce them a
variety of sports, arts and other practical activities and Change preposition
to a
then
let them choose according to
their will in this
way they can help them to find what is
they have Unnecessary verb
apply
aptitude
for.
Add an article
an aptitude
the aptitude
On the other hand
, there are also
some disadvantes
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
parents
strictly planning their children
's activies
on their own. Correct your spelling
activities
To begin
with, if parents
organize a plan for their children
without letting them co-operate and decide for their free time
, they may feel left out and therefore
they won't
follow the plan and they just don't
want to do those activies
Correct your spelling
activities
due to
stubbornness even if they like them. So it is important to involve children
in planning for their time
and pay attention to their desires. And another thing is, for having
a healthy childhood Change preposition
to have
children
should enjoy their free time
activies
because these are the things that will always remain in their memories. Correct your spelling
activities
For instance
, I still remember how much I enjoyed my swimming lessons as a kid.
In conclusion, for a healthy practical plan, parents
should guide their children
to find their interest in activities that are useful to them and let them grow their talents in those activities while
enjoying their childhood.Submitted by parsaj1381 on
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task achievement
In terms of task response, the essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion. However, it could be beneficial to further elaborate on the counterarguments to strengthen the discussion.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical errors and improve readability. For example, 'disadvantages' is spelled incorrectly as 'disadvantes'.
coherence cohesion
In regards to coherence and cohesion, the essay flows well and ideas are logically structured. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. However, try to restate the key points in the conclusion more explicitly to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good balance between discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and tied back to the main argument clearly, contributing to the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal anecdotes, such as the swimming lessons, makes the essay more engaging and relatable.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?