IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People have different views on whose responsibility is to decide what sort of hobbies
children
Use synonyms
 should do
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
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.
While
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have more experience
therefore
Linking Words
 they can choose wisely, it is important that they let their
children
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
decide how they want to spend their free
time
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. There are several advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
parents
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 organizing their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 free
time
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.
Firstly
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, at early ages
children
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 mostly enjoy playing and with today's technology, video games will meet
this
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 need. It is true that by playing video games they will enjoy their free
time
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 but they won'
t
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 learn any useful skills that can help them in
their
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the
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 future and
also
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 they can'
t
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 find what is it that they are talented in.
For example
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, how can you understand you are talented in music if you don'
t
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 try music
.
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?
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Secondly
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, at those
ages
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ages,
show examples
children
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 need guides because they aren'
t
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 familiar with all sports, arts
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc so how could they know if they enjoy a specific sport or not.
Parents
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 should introduce them
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
variety of sports, arts and other practical activities and
then
Linking Words
 let them choose
according to
Linking Words
 their will in
this
Linking Words
 way they can help them to find what
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they have
aptitude
Add an article
an aptitude
the aptitude
show examples
 for.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some
disadvantes
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
parents
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 strictly planning their
children
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's
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 on their own.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if
parents
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 organize a plan for their
children
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 without letting them co-operate and decide for their free
time
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, they may feel left out and
therefore
Linking Words
 they won'
t
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 follow the plan and they just don'
t
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 want to do those
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
due to
Linking Words
 stubbornness even if they like them. So it is important to involve
children
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 in planning for their
time
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 and pay attention to their desires. And another thing is,
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 a healthy childhood
children
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 should enjoy their free
time
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activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 because these are the things that will always remain in their memories.
For instance
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, I still remember how much I enjoyed my swimming lessons as a kid. In conclusion, for a healthy practical plan,
parents
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 should guide their
children
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 to find their interest in activities that are useful to them and let them grow their talents in those activities
while
Linking Words
 enjoying their childhood.

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task achievement
In terms of task response, the essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion. However, it could be beneficial to further elaborate on the counterarguments to strengthen the discussion.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical errors and improve readability. For example, 'disadvantages' is spelled incorrectly as 'disadvantes'.
coherence cohesion
In regards to coherence and cohesion, the essay flows well and ideas are logically structured. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. However, try to restate the key points in the conclusion more explicitly to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good balance between discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and tied back to the main argument clearly, contributing to the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal anecdotes, such as the swimming lessons, makes the essay more engaging and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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