Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views on whose responsibility is to decide what sort of hobbies
children
should do
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their free
time
.
While
parents
have more experience
therefore
they can choose wisely, it is important that they let their
children
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
decide how they want to spend their free
time
. There are several advantages
in
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to
show examples
parents
organizing their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
free
time
.
Firstly
, at early ages
children
mostly enjoy playing and with today's technology, video games will meet
this
need. It is true that by playing video games they will enjoy their free
time
but they won'
t
learn any useful skills that can help them in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
future and
also
they can'
t
find what is it that they are talented in.
For example
, how can you understand you are talented in music if you don'
t
try music
.
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?
show examples
Secondly
, at those
ages
Add a comma
ages,
show examples
children
need guides because they aren'
t
familiar with all sports, arts
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc so how could they know if they enjoy a specific sport or not.
Parents
should introduce them
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
variety of sports, arts and other practical activities and
then
let them choose
according to
their will in
this
way they can help them to find what
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they have
aptitude
Add an article
an aptitude
the aptitude
show examples
for.
On the other hand
, there are
also
some
disadvantes
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
in
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to
show examples
parents
strictly planning their
children
's
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
on their own.
To begin
with, if
parents
organize a plan for their
children
without letting them co-operate and decide for their free
time
, they may feel left out and
therefore
they won'
t
follow the plan and they just don'
t
want to do those
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
due to
stubbornness even if they like them. So it is important to involve
children
in planning for their
time
and pay attention to their desires. And another thing is,
for having
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to have
show examples
a healthy childhood
children
should enjoy their free
time
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
because these are the things that will always remain in their memories.
For instance
, I still remember how much I enjoyed my swimming lessons as a kid. In conclusion, for a healthy practical plan,
parents
should guide their
children
to find their interest in activities that are useful to them and let them grow their talents in those activities
while
enjoying their childhood.
Submitted by parsaj1381 on

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task achievement
In terms of task response, the essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion. However, it could be beneficial to further elaborate on the counterarguments to strengthen the discussion.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical errors and improve readability. For example, 'disadvantages' is spelled incorrectly as 'disadvantes'.
coherence cohesion
In regards to coherence and cohesion, the essay flows well and ideas are logically structured. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. However, try to restate the key points in the conclusion more explicitly to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good balance between discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and tied back to the main argument clearly, contributing to the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal anecdotes, such as the swimming lessons, makes the essay more engaging and relatable.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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