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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that it is best to accept bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Z

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Introduction
Obviously, some people think that it is best to accept a bad decision,
such
Linking Words
 as an unsatisfactory job or
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of cash that individuals take.
On the other hand
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, getting money from their part-time work helps to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties and problems.
Body paragraph 1
It is clear that
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 bucks make our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more comfortable and
also
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 satisfying.
Moreover
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, it gives us a good opportunity to make our own decisions and our freedom.
For example
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, the online company suddenly went into the red, and they do not have extra coins. So,
that is
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 why we need a full replenishment in pu bank accounts.
Body paragraph 2
Another possibility would be,
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of salary.
This
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 is a worldwide problem in our century. It is because, economically and politically, issues in many countries make our payment harder.
For example
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, in our
nation
Add a comma
nation,
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 some professions require more and more wages like -
nerses
Correct your spelling
nurses
,lawyers and teachers, but they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
. Especially, because of public and governmental spending and demands.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some employers believe that acceptance gives us a chance to overcome competition. Even though I definitely agree with
this
Linking Words
 essay, I suppose that all your troubles will
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
 and live your life without
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of happiness and worry.

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coherence cohesion
Begin with a clearer introduction that outlines both views more explicitly. This helps the reader understand the scope of the essay from the start.
task achievement
Develop each main point more thoroughly with clear topic sentences, explanations, and supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases that show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more balanced arguments for both viewpoints before expressing your own opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Polish the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and then presenting your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the topic and you attempt to discuss both views, which is essential for this task.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments more clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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