Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
think that it is helping the poor by giving them money
but some people
disagree. In my opinion, it depends on what type of the problem
is. Money
is helpful but it is a short-term solution, however
, in the long run, it is not ideal. If a problem
needs to be solved, the source of the problem
needs to be solved.
When it comes to urgent medical problems, personally I think money
is the direct way to help the poor. Medical services, medication, and surgery are very expensive, and always it is not something that can be figured out in a short time, people
need time to heal. For instance
, if someone needs an
urgent surgery and he or she doesn't have Remove the article
apply
money
, financial aid is the fastest and most supportive help. For the
chronic diseases and rare diseases, especially for the elderly or one-parent family families who can’t afford it them, it could be a big relief for them.
There are plenty of non-profit organizations in the world, Correct article usage
apply
for example
, some organizations go to the third world,
if they Remove the comma
apply
are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
water, and Change preposition
apply
instead
of giving them water straightaway, they teach the local people
how to find the source of water and teach them how to dig a well. Some areas are short of food, instead
of looking for donations of food, they teach them how to cultivate crops. It is more practical than merely giving financial aid.
Give a man fish, you
feed him one day, teach a man how to fish, and you feed him a lifetime. I can't agree with Correct word choice
and you
this
slang more. It is better to teach people
how to solve a problem
for a person than just give a solution.Submitted by wendy190427 on
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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly paraphrasing the essay prompt and stating your specific standpoint. Outline your main points briefly in the introduction to set the stage for your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, you should use more transitional phrases and linking words to guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more definitive conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly states your final opinion. This will give the essay a sense of closure.
task achievement
Try to develop each paragraph thoroughly by expanding on your points. Discuss the potential drawbacks of financial aid and the benefits of alternative help in more detail.
task achievement
Address possible counterarguments to show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. This will also make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly when discussing medical aid and teaching skills to local communities.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout.
coherence cohesion
You have some strong points about the need for sustainable solutions and have effectively used a common proverb to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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