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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what anthroplogy graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in the work after five years.

The chart below shows what anthroplogy graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in the work after five years.
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The given chart illustrates the destination of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 from a university and the table provides
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 regarding the type of
employement
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employment
 and salary after 5 years of work in three different sectors. 52% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 secured
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 employment upon completion of the course. 15% of individuals engaged in
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 jobs. The
destinaton
Correct your spelling
destination
 of 8% of
graduates
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not known and a similar amount of students started doing
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
post grad
Add a hyphen
post-grad
show examples
 study. 12% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 are unemployed and 5%
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 doing
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgrad study. After 5 years of work, as a freelance consultant,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of students earn more than $75,000,
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 which 40%
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 income
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than $100,000. In
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 sector, 50% earn more than $100,000 and 30% earn more than $75,000. Only 5% in
freelance
Correct article usage
the freelance
show examples
 and government
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between $25,00 and $49,999.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in private companies,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 an income in between $50,000 and 74,999 followed by 30% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 with more than $100,000 and 25% of people with more than $75,000 respectively.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undergraduate degree
  • anthropology graduates
  • career paths
  • further education
  • full-time employment
  • part-time work
  • self-employment
  • postgraduate studies
  • salary progression
  • salary growth
  • government sector
  • private sector
  • non-profit organizations
  • demand for anthropologists
  • sector-specific skills
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