IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods (wheat, maize, rice) by people in four different countries.

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods (wheat, maize, rice) by people in four different countries.
#consumption #three #foods #wheat #maize #rice #people #four #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given table represents the three basic foods:
wheat
Use synonyms
, maize, and rice, consumed by citizens in four different nations, indicated as a unit of calories per person per day.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that Polish
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 consume
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
relatively low on average,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of the other three regions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 greater.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of
carbohydrates
Change the noun form
carbohydrate
show examples
 consumption
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
varied
Replace the word
varies
show examples
depend
Change the form of the verb
depending
show examples
 on the
locations
Fix the agreement mistake
location
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at about 1,445, Rice was the largest portion consumed by Cambodians among all other nations, followed by
egyptians
Change the capitalization
Egyptians
show examples
,
mexicans
Change the capitalization
Mexicans
show examples
, and
polishes
Capitalize word
Polishes
show examples
, at 501, 57, and 19, respectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, at 1,083,
Mexico
Replace the word
Mexican
show examples
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 consume maize the greatest.
While
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Egypt accounted for half of
Mexico
Change noun form
Mexico's
show examples
 figures at about 578, the statistics in Cambodia only a tenth of Mexicans at 103. Surprisingly, there is no consumption of maize found in Poland. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
wheat
Use synonyms
, Egyptians
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the only group who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
wheat
Use synonyms
 the highest at 1,095.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Polish
peoples
Use synonyms
 and Mexican
peoples
Use synonyms
 are approximately 4/5 and 1/5 of in Egpyt at 865, and 275, respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Cambodian people seem to show less
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in
wheat
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with other foods at 18.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words wheat, peoples with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • basic foods
  • wheat
  • maize
  • rice
  • countries
  • comparing
  • analyzing
  • trends
  • factors
  • influencing
  • patterns
  • implications
  • health
  • nutrition
  • solutions
  • food security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: