In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message

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Some people tell

children

that they can do everything if they try hard enough. In

this

message

, there are both advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly

this

message

is cheerful and hopeful. Some

children

who

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack

Change preposition

apply

show examples

confidence tend to underrate their

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

show examples

. These kinds of

children

tend to not face challenges and just want to avoid the situation.

However

this

message

tells them that you can do whatever you want. It makes

children

take the first step and makes

children

experience challenges. In addition, there is no excuse

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

message

. It represents if you did not make it, it is because you did not try your best. What you can do is try harder. It pushes up

children

's limits and they can make their best performances in the end. Eventually, they can make unexpected results. There are many positive effects in

this

message

however

there are still negative sides.

This

message

could make

children

guilty and it could make bad results. As I mentioned above,

this

message

includes the meaning that if you did not make it, it is because you did not try your best.

However

, in failure, there are a variety of reasons and sometimes it is not our fault.

This

message

makes

children

only blame themselves and let them down.

In addition

, it blocks them

to find

Change preposition

from finding

show examples

real reasons why they failed. If they did not find the actual reasons

then

they

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

never overcome

Change preposition

apply

show examples

similar situations.

Moreover

, it

gives

Verb problem

creates

show examples

a huge pressure and stress. If people keep pushing up

children

with

this

message

, it will cause worse performances eventually.

Submitted by jyy990608 on Wed Aug 14 2024

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task response

Your essay responds properly to the task, but it could benefit from a clearer and more organized structure. Try having distinct paragraphs for each point you make.

task response

While the main points are clear, adding more specific examples would strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention a particular situation where this message was helpful or harmful.

coherence and cohesion

The essay should conclude with a summary of the main points discussed and a statement that ties back to the prompt. Currently, the essay ends somewhat abruptly.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

task response

The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages as required by the prompt, giving a balanced view.

coherence and cohesion

Your points are clear and elaborated with sufficient detail to make understanding easy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Fully explain your ideas

Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowaday, it is common to have marriage and children in their thirties rather than in younger age. What is cause behind this? Is this a positive or negative trend?