In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Some people tell
children
that they can do everything if they try hard enough. In this
message
, there are both advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
, this
message
is cheerful and hopeful. Some children
who are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
confidence tend to underrate their Change preposition
apply
ability
. These kinds of Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
children
tend to not face challenges and just want to avoid the situation. However
, this
message
tells them that you can do whatever you want. It makes children
take the first step and makes children
experience challenges.
In addition, there is no excuse in
Change preposition
for
this
message
. It represents if you did not make it, it is because you did not try your best. What you can do is try harder. It pushes up children
's limits and they can make their best performances in the end. Eventually, they can make unexpected results.
There are many positive effects in this
message
however
there are still negative sides. This
message
could make children
guilty and it could make bad results. As I mentioned above, this
message
includes the meaning that if you did not make it, it is because you did not try your best. However
, in failure, there are a variety of reasons and sometimes it is not our fault. This
message
makes children
only blame themselves and let them down. In addition
, it blocks them to find
real reasons why they failed. If they did not find the actual reasons Change preposition
from finding
then
they will
never overcome Wrong verb form
would
in
similar situations. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, it gives
a huge pressure and stress. If people keep pushing up Verb problem
creates
children
with this
message
, it will cause worse performances eventually.Submitted by jyy990608 on
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task response
Your essay responds properly to the task, but it could benefit from a clearer and more organized structure. Try having distinct paragraphs for each point you make.
task response
While the main points are clear, adding more specific examples would strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention a particular situation where this message was helpful or harmful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay should conclude with a summary of the main points discussed and a statement that ties back to the prompt. Currently, the essay ends somewhat abruptly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task response
The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages as required by the prompt, giving a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are clear and elaborated with sufficient detail to make understanding easy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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