IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Mixed—cam 16 In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

#mixed—cam #countries #people #history #house #research
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In several parts of the world,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 great number of individuals are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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highly passionate about the record of the accommodations where they reside. In
this
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 essay, we will unveil the causes of
this
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 trend
,
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apply
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 and the ways
which
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in which
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people
Use synonyms
 may access
to
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apply
show examples
this
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information
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. The most important reason is the person
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to know how much the structure of
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
the house
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 is
safe
Correct word choice
apply
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against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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natural disasters.
For example
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, after increasing the number of earthquakes in Iran,
people
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 have sought the history of
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 to conserve their family.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
people
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 are willing to be
resident
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residents
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 in a tranquil ambience in megacities to enjoy the peace and serenity
at the end
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 of the work day.
Thus
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, in some specific
situation
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situations
show examples
, they attempt to identify and get some
information
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 about how noisy are the
neighbors
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neighbours
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 nearby. To research
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what happened in the past of
Add an article
the building
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building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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,
people
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 can find out the constructors of the
house
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, the precise
information
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 of engineers is available in real estate
agency
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agencies
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 which can
people
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 connect them to be sure about the
house
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.
Furthermore
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,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 can consult with some of the current neighbors randomly to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 the
house
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 and the former resident. In
this
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 way,
people
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also
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 can achieve accurate
information
Use synonyms
 through searching in
mayoral
Correct article usage
the mayoral
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 part of each area in the city. In conclusion, there are various causes
that
Correct word choice
why
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 the history of buildings is interesting for their new residents
such
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 as its safety, its hidden secrets, and being far from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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noise pollution. To reach
this
Linking Words
 aim, individuals can raise their awareness by receiving
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 some
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
, and estate
agent
Fix the agreement mistake
agents
show examples
.
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on providing clearer main ideas and more detailed examples that specifically illustrate your points. For instance, explain more about how knowing the house's history can offer peace and serenity.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and use more linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will help in making your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for good structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning earthquake concerns in Iran and the available information from real estate agencies in Japan.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task promptly by discussing both the reasons for interest in house history and ways to research it.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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