IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping.  To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#customs #behavior #life
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A lot of conventions and
traditions
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 of living are not pertinent anymore to contemporary life and not worth preserving.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with the idea because the traditional way of living is more beneficial for
people
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,
also
Linking Words
 customs give a sense of community and belonging.
Traditions
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 should be kept because they are comfortable and healthy for
people
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's behaviour,
in addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 are used to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 with
traditions
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 because their parents are living with them and
people
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 were accustomed to live with customs.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan,
people
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 tie their babies in
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of wood which swings from side to side to put the baby to sleep and in accordance with custom by doing
this
Linking Words
 the child's back will be straight, healthy and strong. Another reason for keeping
traditions
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 is that they
show
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 national unity and affinity. If
people
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 stick to
traditions
Use synonyms
, it will
show
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 our nation and its wealth.
For example
Linking Words
, no matter who comes over we prepare our traditional food called beshbarmak and by
this
Linking Words
, we are showing our respect for the person who came into our house. In conclusion,
traditions
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 matter for our routine life and to
show
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 our nation's wealth and nearness.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that our customs would be kept in our country by showing respect to our ancestors. It is recommended that more countries need to keep their conventions to
show
Use synonyms
 their nation's entity and nature.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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introduction conclusion presence
Consider enhancing the introduction to better frame your argument and capture the reader's attention. It sets the tone for the essay. You could also improve the conclusion by succinctly summarizing the main points instead of introducing new ideas.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using more linking words and phrases. This will help maintain a logical flow and make your arguments easier to follow.
logical structure
Be mindful of redundancy and repetition in your writing. Try to present your points concisely without repeating the same ideas in different sentences.
clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity, consider expanding each main point with additional explanations or examples. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and offer a more comprehensive argument.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as the tradition in Kazakhstan of putting babies to sleep in a wooden construction. This effectively illustrates the argument and shows a cultural perspective.
complete response
The essay generally stays on topic and provides a complete response to the prompt, making a clear case for why traditions should be preserved.
supported main points
The body paragraphs each focus on a specific reason for keeping traditions, which helps in structuring the argument clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hinder progress
  • social mobility
  • intrinsic value
  • cultural touchstones
  • upbringing
  • sense of identity
  • continuity
  • moral and ethical values
  • quaint
  • foster a sense of community
  • outdated
  • intrinsic
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