IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The topic of this: Currently, most students are studying only mathematics and the world language, English. What do you think its advantages more than its disadvantages?

#topic #students #mathematics #world #language #english
Nowadays, people argue that most
students
 are studying only
mathematics
 and the foreign language is
English
.
This
 essay will discuss why I think its merits outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, in
this
 modern
world
,
mathematics
 is the main subject that most
students
 should learn because it is the common thing that we can use for working or studying in the future.
Furthermore
,
English
 is the
world
 language that people around the
world
 might use for communication.
For example
, I have been to Australia to learn and travel by myself for 3 weeks,
hence
, I have to speak
English
 all the time to interact with people that come from around the
world
.
In addition
, most employers would require jobseekers to have knowledge of
mathematics
 and speak
English
 to their customers,
therefore
, they would have more job opportunities.
On the other hand
, most
students
 who only learn about
mathematics
 and
English
 might not improve their ability to work much.
Moreover
, science can be an essential subject for pupils to learn about and
students
 would study
too
Correct pronoun usage
it too
show examples
 because it can give them protection from stress.
For example
, high school
students
 have learned and spent time to increase their skills in time management.
To sum up
,
mathematics
 and
English
 have various benefits,
such
 as helping their
students
 to develop their knowledge and have more opportunities for working.
While
 it might not suitable for
students
 that interested in science.
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples and stronger evidence to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and enrich the content.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the overall coherence of your essay by making sure the transition between ideas and paragraphs is smooth and logical. This can be achieved by using more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more details and explanations to your main points to support them more effectively. This will also help to make your writing more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and presents a well-defined opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good structure to the essay.
task achievement
Your personal example of traveling to Australia adds a nice personal touch and helps illustrate your point about the practicality of learning English.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: