Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.
In
this
essay, I am going to discuss the idea that: Some believe that more young people
hold the
important position in government, Correct article usage
an
while
others believe that the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
should not. In the beginning, that is
the fact that more youth
Correct your spelling
young
people
hold the
important Correct article usage
apply
positions
in the government, and in my opinion, it has
Verb problem
is
necessity
. Replace the word
necessary
However
, both views are remarkable. Positions
should be filled with youths however
, on the other hand
, workers
who have an experiences
are priceless for the states or other Correct the article-noun agreement
experiences
an experience
labours
. Young Correct your spelling
labourers
people
can adapt the new circumstances easily. Further
, their brains
are fresh and they have tendency
to create new ideas. Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
However
, experienced workers
are more eligible for some qualified positions
. Furthermore
, They must keep working and their position be preserved so, less experienced workers
could learn something from their experiences.
Firstly
, Youngs can adapt the new circumstances more easier
than Replace the word
easily
olds
. Youngs grow up with Correct your spelling
old
the
modernity Correct article usage
apply
therefore
it is easy to adapt. It has a huge importance in work life. Sometimes it has bad affects
because Replace the word
effects
of
Change preposition
apply
the
modernity Correct article usage
apply
comes
not all the time with pros but in general Verb problem
does
this
feature (catching the modern world) is valuable.
Secondly
, their brains
are fresh and they have tendency
to create new ideas. Creativity getting worse Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
in
Change preposition
over
years
Correct article usage
the years
thus
, fresh brains
are valuable especially some
labours that Change preposition
in some
contains
creativity. Holding Change the verb form
contain
high
position in the government requires creative Add an article
a high
brains
.
On the contrary
, experienced workers
are more eligible for some qualified positions
. We mustn't deny their importance. Additionally
we have to hold Add a comma
Additionally,
such
these
old Correct determiner usage
apply
workers
in our surrounding
and work atmosphere to improve ourselves. Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
Therefore
, for some informations
, it is better that learn from someone who has Change the wording
information
pieces of information
sufficent
experience on it.
In conclusion, the different aspects of the idea were given. In my opinion, holding high degrees in the labours by Correct your spelling
sufficient
news
is better in the new world.Add an article
the news
Submitted by ilyascanaltan on
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essay structure
Your essay needs to have a clearer and more structured introduction and conclusion. This helps set the stage for your reader and wraps up your argument effectively.
evidence
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
content development
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. At times, the essay feels a bit repetitive, and expanding your points would enhance clarity and depth.
coherence
Organize your paragraphs coherently to improve the flow of your arguments. Each paragraph should discuss a single main point, and those points should logically follow one another.
task response
You address both perspectives of the topic, which is critical for a balanced discussion essay.
content understanding
Your essay attempts to provide reasons and explanations for both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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