"Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification
Some people argue that college
students
should learn things in addition
to their major study. But, others maintain that they should focus on their main subjects
instead
of expanding their field of study. Personally, I support former
idea, as learning different kinds of things would give people more beneficial opportunities and allow us to lead Add an article
the former
a former
a fulfilling lives
.
On the one hand, Correct the article-noun agreement
fulfilling lives
a fulfilling life
students
possibly obtain chances to expand their views by learning other fields of study. In addition
, it is considered to valuable
for their future. Add a missing verb
be valuable
For example
, they could start new businesses using their knowledgements
mixed Correct your spelling
knowledge
of
several Change preposition
with
subjects
and get high annual incomes.
Furthermore
, it is also
important to learn arts such
as music, dance and artworks
because Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
students
can develop their creativity and communication skills by joining new communities. In general, it is said that people who actively try these arts as their hobbies tend to lead more satisfied and fulfilling live
than those who don’t.
Replace the word
lives
On the other hand
, there are two drawbacks when students
spend time on
studying other Change preposition
apply
subjects
. While
having wider
view is considered important, some experts argue that specialists are in high demand all over the world. Add an article
a wider
In addition
, it is more difficult to manage their time and task
when they have several things to do. Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
This
phenomenon may affect students
negatively because they feel more stressed then
before.
Replace the word
than
To sum up
, although
leaning
different kinds of Correct your spelling
learning
major
has negative effects on college Fix the agreement mistake
majors
students
, I think they should learn other subjects
because it has a
significant benefits both Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
on
their future Change preposition
for
carrier
and Correct your spelling
careers
quality
of their lives.Correct article usage
the quality
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives of the topic, but you should enhance your argumentation by adding more comprehensive examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This will improve your task achievement score.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases, such as 'knowledgements' and 'lead a fulfilling lives.' Polishing these will make your essay clearer and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your points are logically structured. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop your ideas in more depth, providing specific examples and scenarios that illustrate your points effectively. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, giving a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which shows that you can consider different perspectives before drawing a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.