Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. others ‚however, believe that school is the palce to learn this. discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Being a good
society
member
is really important ,some people believe that
school
is the best place to learn about
this
while
others think it is better to teach kids at
home
,
This
essay agrees with the idea of teaching them at
home
.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
provide
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
good learning strategies for
Childers
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
school's
Change noun form
school
show examples
teaching method develops
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvements
.A Good
society
member
provides an amazing and helpful environment for the population .
In addition
, the way people think and
behaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
behave
show examples
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of parents never
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
this
seriously thinking that
school
is enough for
this
idea .
Therefore
, the child will believe that
this
particular topic is useless
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it was never mentioned and discussed by their own parents.
On the other hand
, it is important to take
not
Correct your spelling
note
show examples
that teaching children at
home
about a perfect
society
member
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is quite effective making them gain a better understanding of its benefits,
such
as a healthy lifestyle, good connections with people and
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
environment.
To sum up
, teaching children and informing them about the ideal
society
member
is important both in
school
and their
home
.
School
ministry should upload videos about its impacts and helpfulness of a great
society
member
, in order to spread
this
message.
Submitted by walaa200913 on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents your opinion. However, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. This would help to give a more structured overview of your essay.
task achievement
You have covered both views and provided an opinion, fulfilling the task requirement. To achieve a higher score, ensure that you provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is generally good, but some areas are slightly unclear due to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Make sure your points are linked logically to create a smooth flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Still, it could be enhanced by briefly indicating the broader implications or providing a final thought on the subject.
task achievement
Some of your sentences are worded awkwardly or lack clarity. Make sure to provide clear and comprehensible ideas by revising your sentence structure and using more precise language.
task achievement
You discussed both views as required by the task and gave your own opinion. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which contribute to the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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