IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A persons worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor,kindness and trust, longer seem important. To what extent do you agreee or disagree with this option ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The way
people
Use synonyms
 are being evaluated has been
diiferent
Correct your spelling
different
 than it was before as their net worth and social class are valued more than their behavioural aspects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will agree with the statement because a person
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
show examples
 economic security for their life, and the perception of
people
Use synonyms
 can be
manipiulated
Correct your spelling
manipulated
 with
money
Use synonyms
. Despite the fact that families teach their children about
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
 and values, it is undeniable that they will never fail to mention the power of
money
Use synonyms
. Children are advised to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 position where they can earn enough
welath
Correct your spelling
wealth
 in
future
Use synonyms
, before
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 that they should not forget their land and ethics.
For example
Linking Words
, every teacher does not ask
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 about what their principle and ethics of life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
, but they will surely ask them about what they want to be in
future
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 one can always follow the
socital
Correct your spelling
social
societal
 norms of being better
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, in terms of good
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
, there is always a chance that in
future
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 can leave that away for their success. When they feel that only
money
Use synonyms
 can buy them happiness, they will never re-think about their conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, there are certain
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and values they follow, that will not allow a person to go to the glamour industry. But when
people
Use synonyms
 realise that
this
Linking Words
 industry brings them a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 and position, they will never think twice before
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 decisions.
I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 conclusion, despite the fact that culture and
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 are essential
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 will be evaluated
according to
Linking Words
 their bank balance and their net worth as
money
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
future
Use synonyms
 security and their desired status.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, the introduction could be strengthened by defining more clearly whether you agree or disagree and why. Try to make your stance crystal clear.
logical structure
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that slightly hinder the fluency of your essay. For example, 'diiferent' should be 'different' and 'manipiulated' should be 'manipulated'. Proofreading carefully and using grammar-check tools can help correct these issues.
supported main points
While you provide relevant examples, consider integrating them more seamlessly into your arguments to better support and illustrate your points. For instance, explain more clearly how examples relate to modern societal values.
logical structure
You have a clear and logical structure in your essay with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
complete response
Your essay covers both sides of the discussion to a certain extent, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant. For example, the discussion on Indian culture adds a context-specific layer to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: