IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Some people suggest that the circumstances of a crime, and the reasons for committing it should be taken into consideration when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People have different views about the penalty system.
While
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 some of them argue that
punishing
Replace the word
punishment
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 should be determined in accordance with the situation, others think that every criminal needs to be sentenced
by
Change preposition
to
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 certain punishments. In spite of the fact that fixed penalties are
deterrent
Correct article usage
a deterrent
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 for criminals, from my perspective, considering
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
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 of crimes is
more
Add an article
a more
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 humane option. It is a fact that
crime
Use synonyms
 rates have been increasing around the world for
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 2 decades. Especially in some domains, it has been
paramount
Add an article
a paramount
the paramount
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 issue
of
Change preposition
for
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 authorities. In order to combat
this
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 problem, radical precautions can be implemented
such
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 as approaching every criminal as they are the same.
This
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 may be scary for those who think
to commit
Change preposition
of committing
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Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
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 even before
planning
Correct article usage
the planning
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 stage. If a person certainly knows to get
Use synonyms
life
Correct article usage
a life
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 sentence
as a result
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 of any kind of murder,
for instance
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,
this
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 may save
Use synonyms
life
Add an article
a life
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. Not every individual,
however
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, thinks to be a criminal.
Life
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 is full of unpleasant surprises and meeting one of them is out of human will. In
this
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 context,
significant
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a significant
the significant
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 number of criminal activities were done unintentionally. Take a protecting husband as an example. Imagine, someone cracks into his house and he fights and kills that man reluctantly in order to save his family. Should
this
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 man be sentenced to
life
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 penalty? I, personally, never support
such
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 heavy punishment for him.
This
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 would be utterly unfair. In conclusion, sentencing criminals by fixed penalties may deter criminals from
involving
Verb problem
committing
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Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 acts, but, taking
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 into account is more healthier means of judging.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states both views, but it can be made more engaging by providing a brief context or background about the penalty system. Ensure that the concluding sentence of the introduction clearly outlines what the essay will cover.
task achievement
In some instances, the ideas are not fully expanded. For example, the argument about fixed penalties being deterrents could benefit from more detailed explanation or examples.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, there are abrupt transitions between paragraphs. Use more linking phrases or words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay does not stray from the central topic, but ensure that each paragraph clearly builds on the previous one to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively reiterates the main points and provides the writer's stance clearly.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the protective husband scenario, that enhance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to a coherent structure.
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