IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that we are living in an era where commercials play an important role in our daily decisions.
While
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 there are ongoing debates about whether advertising can help
public
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the public
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 make informed decisions or not, I strongly believe that a lot of
adverts
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 create artificial wants for two compelling reasons.
To begin
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 with, nowadays individuals are bombarded by different kinds of
adverts
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 ranging from leaflets and flyers to product placement in movies. Simply put,
people
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 often buy things only because of the image of power, success, and glamour associated with them. Take the latest version of iPhones as an obvious example. Before releasing new
products
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,
this
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 company promoted its features by creating a lot of content on different platforms
such
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 as social media and direct emails.
As a result
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,
people
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 create long lines in front of Apple Stores to purchase the latest version of that company’s cell phones. For the most part,
this
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 new mobile does not offer any new practical features.
People
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 often buy them just because they want to showcase that they align with trends.
Furthermore
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, advertising is often for
products
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 and services that we do not really need. In fact, the ultimate aim of advertising is to subtly persuade
people
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 to buy things.
For instance
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, there is no need to advertise fast food because it is already everywhere, in school canteens, in supermarkets, and in the high street.
However
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, there is an increasing number of fast food
adverts
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 on TV and billboards.
For example
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, studies have shown a clear link between the regular consumption of fast food and obesity among children since they are easily influenced by commercials and cannot
then
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 pester their parents to buy certain
products
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that
adverts
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 enable
people
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 to compare
products
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 and services
as well as
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 help them by informing them, I once again restate my opinion that they can lead to consumerism by persuading
people
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 to purchase things that they do not need. It
also
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 could have a negative impact on society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph clearly anchors back to the main argument to maintain focus.
task achievement
Although the essay provides relevant examples, adding more diverse examples could further substantiate claims.
task achievement
Try to paraphrase the keyword from the question more in the introduction and conclusion for even better alignment and focus.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the argument effectively.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported by relevant and specific examples, such as the iPhone and fast food examples, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow and progression of ideas, making it easy to follow alongside strong coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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