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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam’’ #measures #government #people #cars
The given illustration shows
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about the
price
 of bananas in four different countries between the
years
 1994 and 2004. The table illustrates that the
price
 of the berry was always high during these
years
 in Japan with the highest number in 1995
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 almost 3 dollars. France is the second in overpricing banans with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 starting number of around 1.75 dollars until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1998
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the index went up and
then
 immediately down to 1.25$. The lowest
price
 of
banans
Correct your spelling
bananas
show examples
 in France between these
years
 was just one dollar in 2003. The next country is Germany with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
price
 of 1.75$ in 1994, the number would increase and decrease
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 8
years
 until it stabilizes in 2002. The
last
 country
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the US has the most stable index compared to all the given states, especially Japan. The
price
 of the berry
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 1994 from 0.75$ to around 1$ and was basically stable for 10
years
. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, Japan had the most diverse prices between 1994 and 2004 out of all illustrated countries
while
 the United
States'
Correct your spelling
States
show examples
 index was stable enough all these
years
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task but lacks detailed and clear analysis. Try to provide more specific data points and trends to make your points more comprehensive and convincing.
task achievement
There are some inconsistencies and incorrect information in your essay. For instance, bananas are not a type of berry, and the data about prices stabilizing or fluctuating could be presented in a more accurate way.
coherence cohesion
While your essay does have a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, the transitions between paragraphs can be improved to enhance the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more consistent language and correct grammatical structures. For instance, 'informations' should be 'information,' and 'overpricing banans' should be 'overpricing bananas.'
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in understanding the overall content.
supported main points
You've utilized data points to support your statements, which is good for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • commute times
  • urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • congestion charges
  • alternative modes of transport
  • cycling
  • walking
  • fuel taxes
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • traffic jams
  • mitigate
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