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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999.

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999.
#line #visits #uk #bar #countries #residents
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The line graph compares
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
tourists
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 who
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
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 and from the
UK
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 amount over a period of 20 years, and the bar chart gives information about the popular destinations of
UK
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residents
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 in 1999.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart in
1999
Add a comma
1999,
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 the
UK
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 was mostly visited by France and Spain among 3 other top
countries
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the line graph shows that
number
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 of the
UK
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residents
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Correct pronoun usage
who visited
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visited
Wrong verb form
visit
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 other
countries
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 is more than the
number
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 of visits to the
UK
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 by overseas
residents
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in 1999 the
UK
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Use synonyms
residents
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resident's
residents'
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 favourite tourist destinations were France and Spain by far compared to the USA, Greece and Turkey.To be precise,12 million
UK
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tourists
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 visited France and
with
Correct word choice
apply
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8
millions
Change to singular
million
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 did the same with Spain.
Whereas
Linking Words
, approximately 3 to 4
millions
Change to singular
million
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 visited
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 3
countries
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. It is obvious that the
number
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 of
tourists
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 from the
UK
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 overtook the
number
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 of visitors to the
UK
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 from other
countries
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 over a full period. To be fair, in 1979 the statistics of those two groups were not that different,there was almost
2
Correct article usage
a 2
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or 3 million gap and lasted until 1986.Since 1986
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number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
tourists
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 from the
UK
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 started gradually increasing,
however
Linking Words
,even the opposite group of people did the same,they were doing with a small change in
number
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, and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
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 the gap between the two categories was 24 million people.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, tourists, uk, residents, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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