Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this topic?
Personal
development
is a crucial part of children's lives which on many occasions changes course throughout their academic journey. People in general believe that teachers
impact on one's personal Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
development
is more
than their Correct word choice
greater
peers
. I disagree with the statement. To showcase, this
essay will discuss why this
is the case and explain why I believe both peers
and teachers
have different influences over one's personal development
.
To begin
with, Primarily, peers
and teachers
have different special bonds on the hand
Correct word choice
other hand
peers
provides
a stable Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
emotion
connection which helps you to connect and make life more relevant Replace the word
emotional
while
enjoying it. On the other hand
, teacher
mentor Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
student
to provide steps to Fix the agreement mistake
students
support
students
in achieveing
their dreams. Correct your spelling
achieving
However
, their
are different levels on which these special bonds work, Replace the word
there
For instance
, peers
can support
you get over your emotional baggage like relationalship
Correct your spelling
relationship
relationships
,
but are unable to help you in Remove the comma
apply
achieveing
your dreams. Correct your spelling
achieving
Furthermore
, Peers
provides
youCorrect subject-verb agreement
provide
a
safe environment to make hard decisions,Add the preposition
with a
a
place to have fun Correct word choice
and a
while
doing activities which may result in making stonger
bonds with Correct your spelling
stronger
collegues
or making life partners.
Correct your spelling
colleagues
Secondly
, teachers
play a crucial role in providing a supportive environment for students
to achieve their dreams. For example
, during school, many students
struggle to identify their true interests. It is the responsibility of teachers
to help them discover these interests and nurture them. By offering guidance and opportunities for growth, teachers
mentor students
through their academic journeys, helping them make informed decisions about their future careers.
In my opinion, a student's personal development
is shaped by multiple influences, and it cannot be attributed to just one source, whether it be a teacher or peers
. For well-rounded personal growth, both influences are necessary, each complementing the other. For instance
, research shows that a student may struggle to achieve high academic marks if they are dealing with emotional issues, even with strong support
from teachers
. On the other hand
, while
peers
can provide a fun and supportive environment to help alleviate emotional stress, they may not be equipped to guide someone toward their long-term career goals
In conclusion, I reaffirm my disagreement position for
the essay statement and suggest a balanced influence is crucial for Change preposition
with
optimal
personal Correct article usage
the optimal
development
of an individual, to support
the individual through his both
professional life personal lives.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on
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task response
Your introduction is generally clear but could be more concise. The first sentence can be made more direct to capture the reader's interest immediately. Also, make sure to state your disagreement with the topic more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While your arguments are relevant, ensure that your main points are more distinct and logically organized. Consider using more connecting phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples. For instance, mentioning particular ways teachers and peers interact with students could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, which is good for readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion reiterates your stance well and provides a summary of your arguments.
task achievement
You have covered different aspects of both peers' and teachers' influences, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.