Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?
In the context of corporative social
responsibilty
, theCorrect your spelling
responsibility
porposal
of providing Correct your spelling
proposal
sports
and social facilities
by large companies
has garnered attention. I firmly believe , while
Correct word choice
that while
corporation
should invest Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
for
public Change preposition
in
well being
, it should not be Add a hyphen
well-being
obligation
for Add an article
an obligation
the obligation
companies
.
Primerly
, there is no doubt that investing in Correct your spelling
Primarily
sports
facilities
can profoundly impact on
Change preposition
apply
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
lifestyle
and social Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
cohesive
of local communities. Replace the word
cohesion
By providing
Change preposition
Providing
sports
center
, gym equipment, social hub,Fix the agreement mistake
centers
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
encourges
Correct your spelling
encourages
public
to Correct article usage
the public
do
exercise which would Unnecessary verb
apply
benefical
for them as more and more people fit it Correct your spelling
beneficial
reduce
the costs of medical.Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
Moreover
, social clubs serve as venues for social interaction which would enhance sense
of community and belonging of diverse Add an article
the sense
a sense
group
of people.Fix the agreement mistake
groups
Furthermore
, by providing these facilities
, company's
image would Correct article usage
the company's
be bolster
and bring brand Change the verb form
be bolstered
royality
among Correct your spelling
loyalty
royalty
public
.
Add an article
the public
In addition
, it is a good practice donating
funds for public Change the verb form
to donate
well being
. Add a hyphen
well-being
However
, it should not mandatory
for Add a missing verb
be mandatory
companies
as their first priorties
should be stakeholders, including shareholders and employees. Correct your spelling
priorities
priority
Campanies
should not be detracted Correct your spelling
Companies
the
core objectives.
Change preposition
from the
To conclude
, it is beneficial for both public
and Correct article usage
the public
company
to invest money Correct article usage
the company
on
Change preposition
in
sports
facilities
as it makes
Verb problem
creates
good
reputation imageCorrect article usage
a good
of
Change preposition
for
company
and healthier life for Add an article
the company
a company
public
but Add an article
the public
companies
should not compromised
their Change the verb form
compromise
Correct your spelling
priorities
priorties
Correct your spelling
priorities
Submitted by amarbatth367 on
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grammar
Work on reducing grammatical and typographical errors to improve readability and professionalism. For example, correct 'porposal' to 'proposal' and 'primerly' to 'primarily.'
ideas
Introduce more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
structure
Improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. For instance, use phrases like 'Additionally,' or 'On the other hand,' to link ideas more clearly.
task response
The essay addresses the topic effectively by discussing both the benefits and potential downsides of companies providing exercise facilities.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a balanced view on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.