IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #it’s #idea #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people spend more time with their
colleagues
 outside the office
hours
.
However
, others believe that working life should not be intertwined with their social life. I personally believe that sometimes it is completely fine to hang out with
colleagues
 at the weekend. Folks who love to hang out with their
colleagues
 outside the working days, because they have similar personalities and hobbies. Men or women who work more than 8
hours
 per day, often find their workplace as their second home. When they have the same personalities, they want to hang out more either in the evening or at the weekend.
For example
, they can play football together in a club after office
hours
. Meanwhile, for others who don’t fancy
this
 activity, because they have spent too many
hours
 in the office so that they would rather stay with their family. They can do activities
together with
 their family
such
 as travel to the beach or go to the park.
This
 is happening because they want to tackle their lack of intimacy with their loved ones
due to
 their busy working schedule.
However
, I personally believe that it is important to balance our network with
colleagues
 and family members
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because both of them are important parts of our lives. Perhaps, we can hang out once a month with our
colleagues
 for a cup of coffee in the evening.
Then
 the rest of the weekend, we can stay at home and socialize with our kids or spouses. In Conclusion, Loving the same activities or having the same personality will make coworkers hang out more even though it is outside their working schedule.
On the other hand
, employees who have a family often prefer to relax at home. It is better to keep our social life balanced either hanging out with a family member or
colleagues
.
Submitted by permata_188 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help in making your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and dynamic. It can also help in better expressing your ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: