IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
There is no doubt these days that there are two types of
countries
 first
one
 is a strong country and second is poor
one
, but the question is poor
countries
 really need financial aid only? in
this
 essay, we will discuss
this
 problem and suggest a solution and who I agree or disagree with.
moreover
, poor
countries
 have a lot of issues.
firstly
, if we look carefully the problem is not only money , the real problem is that people do not want to improve the future. some people do not have enough education even if how
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
 a good
one
 he
travels
Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
show examples
 to another country to search for opportunities, the real reason for
this
 is poor country don't
cares
Change the verb form
care
show examples
 about them. in other ways, strong
countries
 should support them to develop a new education system and improve the health fields at least to create a better generation in the future , but unhappily some
countries
 are
usinguse
Correct your spelling
using use
using
this
 poor
one
 to do research and
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 on them rather than help and
this
 is humorous at all. In conclusion,
countries
 that really want to help must focus on the people more than only
donate
Wrong verb form
donating
show examples
financial aid to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. because they use it in the wrong way and that happens sometimes,
also
 it is crucial to make new rules that prevent anyone how
to try
Change preposition
from trying
show examples
 to use these poor
countries
 to use them and I'm sure
this
 is not easy to do whatever they have done to help.
Submitted by salahsadgg1 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and attempts to provide a response. However, the ideas are somewhat fragmented, and the main arguments could be more clearly developed. To improve task response, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a specific point related to the topic, and provide more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more logical structure. Some ideas are repeated or not fully developed, making it hard to follow the argument. To improve coherence and cohesion, use clear topic sentences, and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Also, transitional phrases can help in making the argument more cohesive.
structure
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, setting the context and summarizing the argument.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide a balanced argument, highlighting issues beyond financial aid and suggesting solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
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