IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why is this? Do you think the government should spend more money supporting the local film industry?

#people #films #government #money #film #industry
In the contemporary world, Some people argue that to watch foreign
films
 rather than locally produced
films
.
On the other hand
, many people advocate that the government should spend more money supporting local
films
 and companies.
This
 question has sparked significant debate. In my opinion, Locally produced
films
 deserve more than support right now. I will explain
this
 with two diverse reasons why it is essential for all countries. First and foremost, all movies and series have a significant effect on culture, and the industry has increased everywhere in the world year by year. It is unbeneficial for locally produced movies. Local Companies can be introduced to cultural figures. In previous times, Yesilcam
Films
 was common in the country, and it introduced many cultural characters,
such
 as Tosun Pasha and Vecihi Hurkus. Vecihi Hurkus was an old pilot in the Turkish army who had many effects on Turkish aviation.
Furthermore
, Knowing these figures is beneficial for children’s personal development.
Conversely
, Too many film industries have more revenue than regional companies,
such
 as Hollywood in the United States of America and Bollywood in India. Which has unbelievable incomes, and they support these incomes with diverse activities. Advertisements are helpful for
this
 purpose, but these aren't fair to local industries.
Nevertheless
, the Government can
be fixed
Wrong verb form
fix
show examples
 these issues with the correct steps it is possible. The film industry has always been essential since the invention of the cinema. It is a common way to watch it, and the numbers can be increased to watch it easily.
As a consequence
, It is significant to support. Balancing those two perspectives is a complex challenge. All in all, supporting Local
Films
 is crucial for the Government because Local
films
 have a vital role in culture.
Submitted by barmanakarsu on

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task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure that all points are relevant to the specific question asked.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay.
general
Revise the essay to correct grammatical mistakes and ensure a formal tone throughout.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to support points, such as the mention of Vecihi Hurkus and Tosun Pasha. This enhances relevance and supports the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion properly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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