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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart
exposes
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 how many times
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
 from one country used different types of transportation in 1990 and 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the usage of all types of transportation decreased from 1990 to 2010 the usage of except car. The
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 of the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 used their foot to walk to school in 1990
while
Linking Words
 the car was
most
Add an article
a most
the most
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 popular way of transport from and to school in 2010. In fact, the number of
trips
Use synonyms
 through walking dropped dramatically from 13
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990 to 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the usage of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 to go to and from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school had significantly increased by almost triple from 4 in 1990 to 11
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, cycling and walking and bus were almost at the same level of popularity in 1990 at around 6
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 yearly.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010 these two figures decreased to 2 and 3
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 yearly respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the ultimate use of
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 declined slightly in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trips, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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