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Band 5

International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

#tourism #places #time #concern #impact #inhabitants #environment
Over the
last
 few decades,
tourism
 has provided a
lot
 of advantages for destination
countries
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 international
tourism
 has brought some merits for many areas,it might cause some drawbacks for local
people
 and their places.In
this
 essay,I will address some pros and cons of
worldwide
Add an article
the worldwide
show examples
 leisure industry. Let's begin by looking at some benefits
international
Change preposition
of international
show examples
tourism
.
Firstly
,
tourism
 can create some
jobs opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
job opportunities
show examples
 for
people
 who live in
countries
 which receive a
lot
 of tourists.
In other words
,not only can
people
 find various jobs in their local area,but
also
 economic circumstances may grow in these regions.
Secondly
,the government might earn a considerable amount of money
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 international tourists.
That is
 to say,if the majority of
people
 travel to a country,the government will receive different financial
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 which can lead to better situations for their society. Turning to the other side of the argument,global passengers may create some demerits for destination
countries
.One of the most momentous disadvantages is overpopulation.Generally speaking,the majority of local
people
 are suffering from
crowd
Replace the word
crowded
show examples
 areas and streets which are
fulled
Replace the word
full
show examples
 of tourists.Another striking
demerits
Replace the adjective
demerit
show examples
 is that worldwide passengers produce a
lot
 of waste which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.It is argued,
international
Correct word choice
that international
show examples
tourism
 can cause the increase of using energy resources in one country.Clearly,the population who travel to a country in order to recreate,often consume non-renewable energy which can
be ran
Change the verb form
run
show examples
 out one day.
To conclude
,there is
to
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 doubt that worldwide
tourism
 has created a
lot
 of various advantages for
countries
.Take job opportunity as an example.
However
,international
tourism
 can lead to some disadvantages
such
 as overcrowding and wasting energy resources.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using more transition phrases and connector words to better guide the reader through your arguments. This will make your essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
When providing examples or supporting points, make sure they are specific and detailed to illustrate your main arguments more effectively. For instance, mention particular countries or regions that have benefited from tourism, and provide concrete data if possible.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical structures and try to avoid small inaccuracies such as spelling or punctuation errors. This can greatly improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear understanding of the essay topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed, which is effective for setting the stage for the argument.
complete response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of international tourism, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have done a good job in identifying key points such as job creation and economic benefits, as well as drawbacks like overpopulation and environmental impact. This shows a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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