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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.
#line #amount #visitor #visitors #zealand #countries #period #eighteen #years
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The line graph shows how much
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
visitor
 to New Zealand
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
according to
 their countries in 18 years time
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
show examples
.
Ooverall
Correct your spelling
Overall
,
Austraian
Correct your spelling
Australians
 were the most
visitor
Replace the word
visited
show examples
 in
expenditure
 rate throughout the
period
. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the
period
,
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
fron
Correct your spelling
from
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
expenditure
comperaed
Correct your spelling
compared
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other
conunty
Correct your spelling
countries
 visitorm except for the interval from 2001 to 2005 when
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 were the lowest.
According to
 the data,
japanees
Correct your spelling
Japanese
visitor
expenditure
 doubled from 1996 to 2002
then
 decreased gradually
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the end of the
period
.
whlie
Correct your spelling
while
 USA
visitor
expenditure
 increased
considerablly
Correct your spelling
considerably
 reach the peak at almost 1800 NZS IN 2010. After that,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 dropped sharply.
Lastly
, the
Austraian
Correct your spelling
Australian
visitor
expenditure
 experienced
asignificant
Correct your spelling
a significant
significant
 variation. from 1996 to 2006,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 an
up ward
Correct your spelling
upward
show examples
 trend
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2500 NZW, after that it was in a fluctuation
period
.
Submitted by elafalgarni on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitor, expenditure, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • visitor spend
  • over a period of
  • eighteen years
  • between 1996 and 2014
  • general trend
  • observed
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuations
  • a breakdown of
  • spending habits
  • comparison
  • highest spenders
  • lowest spenders
  • possible reasons
  • economic conditions
  • tourism promotions
  • significant events
  • specific significant peaks
  • drops in spending
  • corresponding years
  • impact of external factors
  • global financial crisis
  • natural disasters
  • summarizing
  • overall trend
  • implications
  • tourism industry
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