IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the country side to lives in cities and towns,leaving only old people in the country side. What problems are caused by this issue. What can be done to solve this issue

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One of the conspicuous trends of today's society is youngsters leaving their elderly parents in
villages
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 and moving to urban
area
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areas
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 in search of better education and employment
opportunities
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.
This
Linking Words
 culture will create problems like reduced manpower in the
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country sides
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countryside
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 and increasing
air
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pollution
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 in
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
eaasy
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essay
 will provide some solutions to eliminate
this
Linking Words
 issue like creating
opportunities
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 in rural
area
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areas
show examples
 and providing incentives for the people who choose to work for their respective
villages
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. In the process of migrating to urban
cities
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, rural
villages
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are lacking
Wrong verb form
lacked
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 skilled manpower, who could have been involved in agriculture, and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
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country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 growth in terms of exporting.
Similarly
Linking Words
, when all the people are moving to
cities
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 there are more carbon emissions
by
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due to
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 the excessive use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private vehicle, which directly add up
on
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to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
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pollution
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. Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal,
for instance
Linking Words
, is welcoming people from all over the
country
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, and now is one of the top ten
cities
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, with excessive
air
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pollution
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. There are some
initiations
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initiatives
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 that can be taken by the state to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, equal distribution of services and facilities like universities, hospitals, and employment
opportunities
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, need to be provided in the rural areas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
country
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 needs to announce some good incentives for
the
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apply
show examples
skilled manpower to work in rural areas.
For example
Linking Words
, Western Australia has recently announced $20,000 for each
nurses
Change to a singular noun
nurse
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 on their arrival to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their quota. In conclusion, there are lack of skilled
worker
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workers
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 in
villages
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 and more
air
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pollution
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 in city areas,
as a result
Linking Words
 of migration.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be managed by providing more
opportunities
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 in the
villages
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 and
added
Wrong verb form
adding
show examples
 offers for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skilled professionals.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good explanation of the problems caused by migration to cities and towns as well as offering potential solutions. However, to improve your score, consider developing your ideas further and making sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to the task response. For instance, you mentioned air pollution but could have expanded more on its consequences and link them back to the migration issue more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother, and sentences could flow more naturally. To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph logically leads to the next.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the main problems and potential solutions related to the topic, giving the reader a clear understanding of what to expect in the essay.
task achievement
You used relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the case of Kathmandu and Western Australia, which add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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