IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The population of major cities around the world is increasing very fastly. Why is this the case and what measures could be taken to solve this issue.

#population #cities #world #case #measures
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There are big and interesting citys in the
world
. Their polulation is incerasing every day. What is rason? How to slowe
this
 problem. İt is undeniable that,
population
growth
 is big a problem in the
world
 . Because is not food, water so on enough in the
world
.
Also
, there is very little oil, gas, grenness so on. When the
people
 incrase in the
world
, they spoil
nature
. As the number of
people
growth
, there is need work, new food and new demands so on.
Therefore
,
people
 destroid the
nature
, grenness, moantions so on.
Then
people
 built factory and plant.
This
 grabage and harmful gas of factory and plant is very dangerous.
Also
,
people
 very unresponsible,
therefore
 is spoiled the
nature
.
For example
: the expolosion at the AES in the 1988. On the ather hand, there are positive side the
population
growth
. When illness happen, the namber of
people
 does not decreas and balance is create.
For example
: In 2020 the illness appeared and very
people
 died. But in next years
population
growth
 causes balance. Ultimately, arguments and examples given show that, there are positive sides and negative sides the
population
growth
. Both
nature
's balance is cerated and many
people
 destroy
nature
's resurces
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
The essay needs more specific and relevant examples to support the main points. Try to provide concrete instances or studies that clearly illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
The main points are not clearly and comprehensively developed. Consider outlining your essay before writing and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea that supports the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, consequently, however) to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effective. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the clarity of your sentences. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader and instead, aim for clear and concise expression.
task achievement
The essay recognizes both the positive and negative aspects of population growth, which shows a good understanding of the topic's complexity.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide real-world examples, which is a good strategy for supporting arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan areas
  • infrastructure
  • job opportunities
  • rural-urban migration
  • standard of living
  • globalization
  • decentralization
  • urban planning
  • public transportation
  • sustainable development
  • affordable housing
  • population density
  • birth rates
  • death rates
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational opportunities
  • cultural attractions
  • housing policies
  • eco-friendly
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