IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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Many people think that the most significant goal of
science
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 should be to improve
people’s
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lives
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. But in my opinion, i totally disagree with
this
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 statement because i believe that protecting natural
world
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 is equally as important and the aim of the
science
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 should be to balance these goals.           
Firstly
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, there are no doubt that improving
people’s
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lives
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 is one of the most important aim of
science
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. All the experiments and
science
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 achievements in the
world
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 are used for
human’s
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 needs like: mobile phones, cars, internet, medicine,... All of these things are borned because people want them to improve their
lives
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, improve the society and the
world
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. Another reason is that people are paying for the
science
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 to use scientific inventions, so these inventions should satisfy the
people’s
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 demand and make their
lives
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 become easier and more comfortable.           Despite of that, protecting the natural
world
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 needs to be equally important as the
human’s
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 demands. Because if
science
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 doesn’t care about the nature, it will create many consequences like: pollution(result of chemical liquids, noise from human activities,...), losing habitats for wild animals – result of cutting down trees or use land to experiment, greenhouse effect–result of gas emissions,... and these things can destroy
human’s
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lives
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.
Moreover
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, there are many mysteries in the natural
world
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 that
science
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 can’t find yet so the nature should be protected.
Finally
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, the ecological balance have to be conserved  because it is the most important thing which maintains the life in our Earth.            
Overall
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, i do not agree that improving
people’s
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lives
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 should be the most important aim of
science
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. In my opinion,
science
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 needs to strike a balance between protecting natural
world
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 and improving
human’s
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lives
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 to make our
world
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 become more and more developed.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the key points of the prompt, but it can benefit from providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mentioning historical or contemporary scientific advancements that have protected nature would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction directly introduces the topic and your stance more clearly. The conclusion should also succinctly summarize your main points in a clearer manner.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation. It will make your essay more readable. Also, ensure a smooth transition between your paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the point you will discuss. This can enhance the logical structure.
coherence and cohesion
Separate complex ideas into shorter, simpler sentences to avoid confusion. This will also help in conveying your thoughts more clearly.
task achievement
You present a balanced viewpoint that considers both aspects of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
The essay covers important points around the importance of scientific advancements for human life and the natural world, showcasing a good range of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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