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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows how a simple water filter is constructed and how it functions to produce clean drinking water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how a simple water filter is constructed and how it functions to produce clean drinking water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The picture illustrates the construction of a simple
water
Use synonyms
 filter and how it functions to produce clean and suitable drinking
water
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
, the system includes some natural materials and basic equipment that can be used to produce drinkable
water
Use synonyms
 after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 steps.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are two tanks, the
tank
Use synonyms
 in
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 position is used to purify the impure
water
Use synonyms
 and the other one is used to
storage
Replace the word
store
show examples
 clean drinking
water
Use synonyms
. There are three natural materials inside the first
tank
Use synonyms
: sand, charcoal and gravel, the main mission of those things is
removing
Change the verb form
to remove
show examples
 bacteria and dirt
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the impure
water
Use synonyms
. Two tanks are connected together by a pipe that runs from the bottom of
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
tank
Use synonyms
 into the side of the second
tank
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, a tap is equipped at the bottom of the storage
tank
Use synonyms
 to release the drinkable
water
Use synonyms
. The process starts by lifting the lid of the first
tank
Use synonyms
 and pouring the impure
water
Use synonyms
 into the
tank
Use synonyms
. The
water
Use synonyms
 passes through the sand layer at the beginning to remove residue, after that, the
water
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 goes to the charcoal layer, the charcoal can take some small dirt that people can not see out of the
water
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 has to pass through the gravel layer at the final to become clean, fresh and suitable for drinking.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 after being purified goes to the storage
tank
Use synonyms
 through the pipe and it can be released by the tap to use.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, tank with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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