IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that robots are very important to human's future development, while others think that they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #future #development #effects #society
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In recent years, the debate around advancing
technology
 and artificial intelligence has intensified. People tend to question the vital role of robots in the future of mankind. Some researchers argue that machines will become the keystone in society’s development,
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 claim the beneficial role of
technology
 is overrated. Personally, I
furthermost
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further
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 agree with the first assertion. On the one hand, recent advantages in numerous scientific fields have
broaden
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broadened
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 the possibilities of using artificial intelligence in all different ways.
Consequently
, the evolution of robotics influences the development of complex areas that require precision and constant attention, which may be difficult for an ordinary person. As an illustration,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of special electronic devices in surgery has already become irreplaceable. With android assistance,
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
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 may focus on making vital decisions rather than worrying about their own capabilities. These methods lead to
significant
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a significant
the significant
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 increase in the success rate of operations. In
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
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 future, new discoveries in
this
 field may not only make our existence easier
,
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apply
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 but
also
 save more human lives.
On the other hand
, one may claim the rapid growth of
technology
 may lead
into
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to
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 unemployment. It is important to realize that both low- and high-qualified workers may be replaced with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial intelligence anytime soon. The key problem here it is not applied only to skill-demanding spheres but
also
 to “human” fields like art or music.
The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
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 research shows the dramatic rise of
an
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apply
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AI-generated artworks, which is already causing many artists to lose their jobs. The ongoing trend could result in a spike in unemployment. Altogether, robots have already turned into an indispensable part of our lives.
Although
the
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apply
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dangerous disadvantages are inevitable, the development
in
Change preposition
of
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 machinery may increase the life comfort of
a
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apply
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mankind. Various spheres will definitely benefit from
technology
 
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
show examples
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
While the task response is complete, the main ideas could be more comprehensively developed. Consider adding more detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas to create a stronger connection between paragraphs. Ensure that each transition is smooth and natural.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context and clearly states your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid structure.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and well-chosen to discuss both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • precision
  • efficiency
  • production outputs
  • cost savings
  • innovation
  • medical outcomes
  • human error
  • exploration
  • hazardous environments
  • unemployment
  • economic disparity
  • ethical concerns
  • privacy
  • security
  • misuse
  • dependency
  • overreliance
  • social isolation
  • manual labor
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