IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Environmentalism is a major
poular
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popular
 trend
particularly
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, particularly
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 for the new generations of youngsters in the twenty-first century. Many argue that the most efficient way of preserving the
environment
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 is a surge in
price
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the price
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 of fossil fuels and I cannot agree more. I wholeheartedly advocate that
this
Linking Words
 strategy will lead to lower levels of contamination not only from cars but
also
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 from
factories
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. On the one hand, a policy to spike the price of gas will introduce a critical juncture which has the potential of leading to less dependence on private vehicles.
For example
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, if people figure out that they cannot afford the high cost, they would definitely entertain the idea of utilising
the
Correct article usage
apply
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affordable public transportation.
Furthermore
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, since cars are a major source of contaminating the
environment
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, as greater numbers of citizens get rid of their personal autos, there will be less pollution and air quality will improve tremendously.
Thus
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, the fewer fuel-burning and contaminating combustion engines on the roads bring about a brighter prospect for air quality.
On the other hand
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,
factories
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 are another overwhelming contributor that
pollute
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pollutes
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 the
environment
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immensly
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immensely
 which will witness an enormous pecuniary hardship in order to afford the increased prices. If
factories
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 increase the efficiency of their
fuel burning
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fuel-burning
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 engines, they can actively participate in preserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. Electricity manufacturing plants release hazardous contaminating pollutants
to
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into
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 the air
while
Linking Words
 their efficiency rate is below 50% globally,
for instance
Linking Words
. Enhancing the efficiency not only will result in more electricity production but
also
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 will lead to less quantity of released pollutants which are detrimental to humans and living species alike. In conclusion, I unequivocally endorse the adoption of
this
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 policy to increase the price of fossil fuels in order to achieve superior outcomes in preserving the
environment
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 and improving the health of nature including humans.
Nevertheless
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,
this
Linking Words
 approach results in
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 personal cars being used to commute
everyday
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every day
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 and
also
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 will lead to
adoption
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the adoption
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 of modern and more efficient equipment by
factories
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a consistent flow. While your paragraphs are generally well-structured, ensure each paragraph logically follows from one another.
coherence cohesion
You can improve coherence by using more transitional words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples that strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
Make sure each point is clear and elaborated sufficiently to avoid any ambiguity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your essay by clearly stating your viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points and reinforces your stance, providing a strong closure.
complete response
Your essay covers multiple aspects of the question, addressing both the impact on private vehicles and factories.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in your essay are clear and comprehensive, contributing to a well-rounded discussion.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the impact of car usage on pollution and the efficiency of factories.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionately affect
  • renewable sources
  • solar energy
  • equity in environmental policies
  • exacerbating social inequalities
  • incentivizing
  • subsidies
  • strict regulations
  • industrial emissions
  • sustainable local production
  • carbon footprints
  • punitive measures
  • sustainability efforts
  • robust and lasting changes
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